Find Me Love Read online

  “That’s it,” Lulia encouraged Abigail. “Now parry.”

  Diana leaned against the wall and observed the rest of the lesson. Abigail was ready. Now all she had to do was find an opponent willing to fence with her. It shouldn’t be too difficult. There were plenty of ladies that Lulia tutored who would be interested. It would be better if it was someone that could make the match interesting, but either way it would happen. She’d discuss the possibilities with Lulia after Abigail departed.

  Several minutes passed before both of the ladies stopped and Lulia called the lesson to an end. She spoke a few more quiet words of encouragement to Abigail before she walked over to join Diana. Abigail gathered her belongings and exited the room. Once they were alone Lulia turned to Diana and asked, “No scheduled meeting with your beau?”

  She wasn’t supposed to meet with Luther until later that evening at the Easterly ball. She was slowly getting accustomed to referring to him by his given name. It had been so foreign to her at first, but now she couldn’t call him anything else. He’d forever be Luther to her even if they didn’t see each other ever again. Instead of telling Lulia that in its entirety she instead said, “Do you have anyone in mind for a match with Abigail?”

  “The match is already set,” Lulia explained. “You’ve been rather busy with that courting business I made all the arrangements. Narissa approved it.”

  Diana stared at her friend momentarily shocked into silence. How could she go behind her back like that? The fencing matches had been her idea from the start and she was the one that organized them all. Lulia had her part to play by instructing the women and arranging the servants at the venues—the rest though had all been Diana’s responsibility. If Lulia was going to take it over where did that leave her? What purpose would she have if she wasn’t needed for any of it? Tears threatened to fall but she managed to hold them in. She straightened and kept her head held high. She would not let Lulia realize how upset all of it had made her. “Is that so?” Diana lifted a brow. “Care to enlighten me with the details?”

  “It will be at the Easterly ball tonight. Lady Mary wished to have another match and asked to fence against the next contender.”

  Lady Mary hadn’t liked being beaten. It must have been a blow to her pride to lose to her maid. She’d wanted to trounce Abigail and she might just be able to do it. Diana didn’t like the idea of Lady Mary having the opportunity to break another’s spirit. Lulia should not have arranged for the lady to fence with another maid. Lady Mary was a lot of things but kind had never been one of them. She would hurt anyone who stepped into her path. “That isn’t going to work.”

  “No?” Lulia shrugged. “I disagree. Abigail is quite skilled with a foil.”

  “As much as Lady Mary is?”

  Lady Mary had more chances to practice and more experience. Abigail was too new and weaker in her resolve. This wasn’t the right time or place for her to test out her new skills. It would only set her up to fail and she’d hate for Abigail to give up before she had a chance to begin.

  “Definitely not,” Diana said firmly. “Lady Mary can fence tonight but Abigail will have to wait for someone with a similar skill set.”

  “If Abigail isn’t going to fence tonight who will take her place. It’s too late to cancel the match. The betting books opened this morning and bets will start to be placed. Narissa will be upset if we thwart the clubs chances of making money.”

  An idea formed inside of her head. It was probably a bad idea but it wouldn’t go away. Perhaps this was what the whole conversation had been leading toward since she walked into the backroom of the club. She’d been itching for a good match and Lulia had handed her the opportunity. “There will be a match. Lady Mary’s opponent will be altered. I’ll update the book before I leave. Just make sure you have all the equipment ready and everything will be fine.”

  There was only one problem remaining—how would she be able to evade Luther at the ball to participate in the match? He didn’t like the idea of her being a part of the club or the fencing matches. If he found out she was one of the participants of the match he’d be livid. Then again, perhaps this was the test they’d needed to see if they had the fortitude to be together. She would not give up on fencing and if he wanted her to marry him he would have to understand that fact for them to proceed with anything resembling a relationship. With resolve settling inside of her Diana left Lulia alone in the backroom and headed back inside the club. She stopped briefly to change Abigail’s name in the betting book with her own. That should bump the bets up significantly. She smiled at that… It would be an interesting evening.

  The day had gone by in a blur. Luther couldn’t wait to arrive at the ball and see Diana again. He’d been anxious the entire day. The end of the fortnight was near and he was fairly certain she’d say yes to his proposal. They’d spent almost every day together and he believed they’d grown especially close. He’d yet to kiss her and he was nearly dying to do so. He was so in love with her and wanted her to be his for always.

  He stepped out of his carriage and walked up the steps to enter the house of the Duke of Easterly. It was going to be quite the crush. Anyone who was anyone would be in attendance. Not that he cared about any of that. The only reason he’d deigned to go at all was to see his Diana. He couldn’t care less about the rest of society. He didn’t need them the way he needed her. He’d found a love he never dreamed he could have.

  Once he was inside the ball room he started scanning the room for her. He found her near the back wall deep in a discussion with Lady Katherine. Whatever they were conversing about had Lady Katherine acting peculiar. She didn’t appear to be happy… His curiosity rose with each step he took in their direction.

  Diana stopped talking when he neared. She glared at her friend and Lady Katherine closed her mouth. She turned and met his gaze and then slowly smiled. “Lord Northesk how good to see you. I trust you’re well.”

  Luther scrunched his eyebrows together and glanced from her to Diana. Then he returned his attention to Lady Katherine. “I am. Is there something amiss?” He was concerned but he didn’t want to push Diana away by demanding an answer. Everything inside of him screamed he should but they were at a tentative place in their budding relationship. One wrong move and she’d walk away to never look back. He had to tread carefully.

  “Not at all,” Diana said. “We were discussing how crowded it is in here.”

  Lady Katherine frowned. “Don’t let her fool you. Diana is trying to spare your feelings. The truth is I’m rather irritated with your friend. He’s been quite rude to me since the night at the theater.”

  “Holton?” That was odd… His friend was the epitome of what it meant to do the right thing. If he was rude to Lady Katherine that was a cause for concern—at least it had nothing to do with Diana. He breathed a sigh of relief. “If you’d like I can speak to him about it.”

  “No,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I’ll just make sure to avoid him in the future. I don’t need to spend time with a gentleman who doesn’t appreciate how special I am. If you’ll excuse me I see someone I must speak to.”

  Lady Katherine walked away and didn’t look back at them. He couldn’t shake the feeling he was missing something. He took a deep breath and returned his attention to Diana. She was the reason that he’d come to the ball after all. “You’re lovely as always.”

  Her cheeks pinkened to a lovely shade. She was perfect and everything he desired. “Thank you,” she replied almost demurely. His Diana still didn’t trust him enough to accept compliments. In time she would though. He fully believed they would be together for the rest of their days.

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  “Uneventful.” She smiled brightly. “So far at least.”

  “That’s true,” he said. “It hasn’t quite ended has it?”

  Had she been anticipating their evening together as much as he had? The rest of the day had been nothing, but now that he was by her side it was
wonderful. “Do you care to dance?”

  She shook her head. “Maybe later. I’m not feeling well I think I’ll head to the retiring room to ask if they have a headache powder.”

  He frowned. “If you’re that unwell perhaps I should escort you home.”

  Diana shook her head. “No, I’d like to try this first. I do want to dance with you this evening if it is possible. Please be patient.”

  “All right…” He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable in any way. If she didn’t feel any better after she returned from the ladies retiring room he’d insist she leave the ball. “Why don’t I escort you there at least?”

  “I’ll be fine.” She smiled lightly. “Isn’t that Lord Holton?” Diana glanced past him. “Go visit with your friend while I’m away.” With that statement Diana left him to seek out the retiring room.

  He frowned and looked over at Holton. Perhaps she was right and he should speak with him. Maybe he could shed some light on what Lady Katherine was speaking about. If he had been rude to Diana’s friend he’d have to encourage him to apologize. They were all part of the same social circle and would run into each other at gatherings. He’d prefer Diana not be uncomfortable around his friend.

  He strolled over his friend and greeted him.

  “Holton,” Luther said. “It’s good to see you.”

  “Yes,” Holton replied congenially. “I trust your courtship is going well.”

  “I hope so,” he answered. “Diana has a head pain but hopes she’ll feel up to dancing later.” Luther contemplated again if he should ask about Holton’s rudeness to Lady Katherine. They made small talk for around a half hour as he considered how to bring the subject up in their conversation. He scanned the ball room and all its inhabitants.

  The ball was similar to the one that he’d first become reacquainted with Diana again. There were a lot of people in attendance. Suddenly he recalled what else had happened at that ball. Diana had organized a fencing match. Did she have a headache at all or was it something else entirely? He hated doubting her but he had to know for certain. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said to Holton. “I think I’ll check on Lady Diana.” He spun on his heels and headed to the garden. Luther had a bad feeling he’d find her there, but he prayed he was wrong.

  The moonlight glowed as he wandered through the foliage. The Easterly garden wasn’t quite like the previous one that a fencing match had been at, but it had its own charms and places to hide. He was equally familiar with this garden as he had been the last one. There was one place in particular that would be perfect for a fencing match. He rounded the corner of a high set of hedges and halted. Bloody hell—he hated being right. Diana hadn’t left his side for a headache. There was indeed a fencing match in progress, but it was far worse than he’d anticipated. She wasn’t in charge of the match itself—she was one of the participants.

  His heart raced inside of his chest as he stared at her. She parried better than anyone he’d ever seen. Diana had skill and dexterity, but none of that mattered to him. He was livid that she would put herself at risk. It didn’t take long for the match to end. Diana was the clear winner. Her cheeks were bright red even in the dark and she had a huge grin on her face. She’d clearly enjoyed fencing. Once she turned and met his gaze her smile faded.

  “Luther…”

  “Why?” he asked. “Is lying second nature to you?”

  “No—it’s…” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “You don’t approve of fencing. If I’d told you the truth you’d have found a way to prevent me from coming out here for the match. I had to do this.”

  “Somehow I doubt that,” he replied sardonically. “You don’t have to put yourself at risk to fence. There are better ways than this. You could have made a different choice but this is what you wanted.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed. “I do want this. When I’m fencing I feel alive and in control, but I don’t suppose you would or could understand that.”

  The rage inside of him was rising with each word they spoke. He wanted to shake some sense into her but that wouldn’t do any good. Luther wasn’t sure anything would make a difference. “Would it matter if I could? I thought we were working toward something good—lasting. At every turn you push me away.”

  “I’m sorry,” she replied. “It’s hard for me… I have difficulty trusting that something might last.”

  He wanted to punch something—not her—never her, but something solid that he could take his anger out on. He loved her and she didn’t believe in him enough to hold on to it. What had he been working so hard toward? Maybe there was only one way to reach her that she’d understand and have faith in. “What would it take for you to actually have faith in me? Do I need to sign up for one of your fencing matches?”

  “What?” She jerked her head upward to meet his gaze. “Men don’t participate in our matches. It’s not done.”

  “But would it help you to believe in me?”

  “I—no. It’s not as simple as that.”

  He would reach her in the only way he thought possible. Luther stormed past her and picked up the foil that the other lady had discarded. Then he turned to Diana and said, “On guard.”

  She had her foil up as if on instinct. He hit her foil with his own. The metal clanging against each other echoed through the air. They stopped speaking and instead let the blades speak for them. Luther wanted to make her understand how much she hurt him and this seemed like the only way to reach her. They might be over when the match ended but at least she’d finally realize how much she’d come to mean to him. She wanted fencing more than she did him. That stung more than he ever wanted to admit.

  Diana was good. He wasn’t surprised she held her own against him. Everything disappeared around them. It was just him and her and their foils. In some ways it reminded him of making love—there was a certain exhilaration to it. She was his equal in every way even in this. “Enough,” he said and tossed his foil to the ground. “You win. I give up. Don’t worry I won’t tell your father about your scandalous behavior.” His heart broke but he was done fighting the inevitable. She would never trust him and without it they didn’t stand a chance at anything resembling happiness. He turned slowly and walked away from her not once glancing back. There was nothing there for him anymore.

  Chapter Eleven

  Idiocy was letting the one person who loved you beyond all reason walk away and doing nothing to prevent it. In that regard Diana had been crowned queen of all things foolish. Luther had courted her and professed to love her. She’d been unable to trust in his love and that it would last beyond the first flutters of the heart. Everything was new and beautiful—and if Diana had learned anything it was that once the novelty wore off her heart would be broken. Not the throes of romantic love—Luther was the only person who’d bothered to try with her. Which made her experience rather limited... Most people tended to disappoint her—all right maybe it was just her family she could never count on. If her mother and father couldn’t be bothered with her for any length of time how could she believe anyone else would? Her life was a complete mess and she had no idea how to fix it.

  There was only one thing she could do that made sense to her. Any other lady might seek out Luther and try to explain, but not Diana. She had never been normal in that regard. She didn’t seek conversation and almost never attempted such inane things as talking about the weather. She’d much rather pick up a foil and let her fury fly in the form of a good match. With that in mind she’d headed to the club after her morning meal. Lulia would already be there and Diana could talk her into sparring with her. Maybe after the match she’d have a clear head and know what she should do next.

  She pushed open the door to the backroom and found Lulia taking inventory of all the fencing supplies. They had to make sure that it was checked regularly so no one decided to steal anything. Lulia was meticulous with the weapons. The rest she didn’t care much about but she still kept track of it all.

  “Is it all there?”
>
  “Of course it is,” Lulia answered. “They know better than to walk off with one of my pretties.”

  Diana shook her head and reached over to pick up one of the foils. “Care to fence with me?”

  “Don’t you think you’ve played enough with foils for a while? You chased your lord away with the last match you participated in.”

  Lulia didn’t believe in holding back. She never had… Her friend believed in complete honesty and Diana could always count on her for her bluntness. They had an odd relationship founded in candor and respect. “He doesn’t like it when I do things he disapproves of—I’m not certain which he disliked more the fencing or my association with the club. Either way they are a part of me and if he truly loves me he needs to accept that.”

  “Does he?” Lulia lifted a brow. “Have you accepted every part of him in return.”

  That gave Diana pause. Had she? Perhaps it was time to be completely honest with herself. She’d pushed Luther away every chance she had. He had asked for the opportunity to court her. She’d agreed but she hadn’t really fulfilled her end. She went in expecting him to fail and in fact, had done everything she could to ensure he would. That hadn’t been very fair of her. She did owe him an apology—perhaps more than that. The question was—would he ever forgive her? She had to find out and she wasted time coming to the club. For what? To fence with Lulia? None of that was important. She’d wanted to find love and when it fell at her feet she’d tossed it aside.