Confessions of a Hellion: Bluestockings Defying Rogues Book 7 Read online

  “Oh,” Samantha cooed. “Were they not wonderful? I have always adored this play. It’s so romantic, don’t you think?”

  He nodded absentmindedly. Jason would probably agree to anything she said at that moment. His world was shattering, and he wasn’t quite sure how to comprehend any of it. The stage started to clear, and musicians took the place of the actors. It must have been just a one scene enactment. Music started to float around them. The strands of a modified waltz brought him out of his thoughts.

  He turned to Samantha. “My lady, may I have this dance?”

  It wasn’t a fancy ballroom. There were not thousands of candles lit for them to see clearly into each other’s eyes. All they had were stars, the moon, and the night sky to envelope them. All the other people disappeared before them. All Jason could see was her. She placed her hand in his. “There is no other man I’d rather dance with.”

  He led her to the makeshift dance floor and pulled her closer than was proper. They were affianced, after all. They’d be married in a few days, once they reached Scotland. Then she would be his in truth. The more he started to accept that, and believe it to be true, the more he liked the idea of having her for his wife. He should never have fought against it. They very well might have been inevitable all along.

  “This is lovely,” Samantha whispered huskily. “I’m glad we were forced to stay.”

  Jason leaned in a little closer and said softly into her ear, “I wonder if we will be able to find an empty room at the inn.”

  “If not, we will make do.” Her breathing hitched a little as she spoke. “We’ve come this far nothing will get in our way now.”

  He wanted to believe that, but he wasn’t going to completely relax until they said their vows. Shelby wasn’t going to make any of it easy for them, but Jason didn’t really blame him. If he had a sister like Samantha, he’d want to protect her as much as he possibly could too.

  “We’ve been avoiding talking about important issues,” he began. “We’ve been focused on one goal—reaching Scotland. Is there anything you wish to discuss before it is too late?” He prayed there was nothing that would prevent their marriage. Outside of Shelby, he hadn’t stopped to consider she might have any objections. She had been the one to offer herself to him, after all. That bothered him a little bit. He should have gotten down on one knee in front of her before the idea had even entered her mind. She deserved to be wooed properly and not have a half-hearted proposal for a marriage of convenience.

  “No,” she said with conviction. “I’ve said all I have wished to. You understand how I feel about everything. All I can do is hope you’ll reconsider some of your absolute edicts.”

  “You believe that is a possibility?” He lifted a brow as he swung her around the dance floor. “Why?”

  “Because you’re not a cruel man. I’m certain you have your reasons for your decisions. All I can do is hope that those reasons cease to exist. Either way, I’m content with my decision to marry you. This is where I want to be.”

  He admired her for remaining firm in her decision. Jason wished he wasn’t having doubts. Oh, he still wanted to marry her. It was everything after that fact that he was reconsidering. What if they could have a real marriage? What would that look like, feel like? Could she ever come to love him? If he hoped to have that with her, he would have to take a different approach. Samantha should have been courted, wooed, and inundated with romance. They had skipped everything and went right to the elopement. It was wrong. She deserved far better than he’d given her.

  Jason had made a lot of mistakes, but he wasn’t averse to rectifying them whenever possible. He could start with a little of that wooing, and perhaps a little romance. A kiss or two might help, and why not start with that part now? He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. This kiss, their second one in a matter of a day, was softer, coaxing and seductive. She opened her mouth to him willingly and far more eager than he anticipated. Passion flared between them, and he ached for more, but it wasn’t the time. Lovemaking of any kind wouldn’t happen between them without their vows being said. Especially not out in the open where anyone could stumble upon us without moving two steps.

  He pulled back and stared into her eyes. His heart beat heavily in his chest, and he was finding it difficult to breathe. All feelings he’d never experienced before. Maybe he did love her… He wished he had someone to ask, to understand, and know without a doubt that what he felt was real. He didn’t want to make any declarations without being absolutely certain, but of course he had no way of discerning the truth.

  Jason had never felt so lost in his life…

  Chapter 8

  Four days later…

  Samantha leaned back in the carriage and stared at the clouds in the dark blue sky. She crinkled her nose up and frowned. She hoped she was wrong, but… “I think it is about to storm.”

  Jason glanced up and cursed. “You’re right. Those clouds look ominous.” He pulled the reins on the curricle and hopped out, then began to pull the top up. They had folded it down earlier to enjoy the early morning sunshine. He was still struggling to secure it in place when the skies opened up and unleashed torrential rain. Their only warning had been the dark clouds moving in overhead. No gentle summer sprinkles for them…

  Jason wiped water from his eyes and yanked the last part of the top over the curricle. He was completely soaked, and Samantha felt horrible for not helping him.

  “It’s no use,” she said. “Even with the little shelter it provides, the top does little to protect us from the rain.”

  “I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer. We will keep moving and hoping for the best.” He settled in beside her and flicked the reins. The horses started to move again.

  This trip seemed riddled with bad luck. They’d had too many delays, but at least the latter had been good for the horses. They had rested enough so they didn’t wear them out when they did travel. “How long until we reach Scotland?” Samantha asked, her voice a little whiny. She couldn’t help it She was tired of being in the curricle and every single one of her muscles hurt. Surely they would be there soon?

  “Less than a day,” Jason shrugged. “Maybe more. It’s hard to tell when I’m not that familiar with the area. I’m guessing, at best.”

  The rain began to pour even harder. Samantha was as soaked as Jason. They would catch their death if they didn’t come upon proper shelter soon. She sneezed as that thought rolled through her mind. “Great,” she mumbled. “Now I’m getting sick.”

  “What?” Jason shouted. “You need to speak up. I can’t hear a thing over the rain pelting against the top of the carriage.”

  She turned and glared at him. He wanted her to shout? She could do that, or she could make things more interesting. Samantha leaned in a little closer to Jason. She raised her head and pressed her mouth to his ear. “Can you hear me now?”

  Jason jerked and the horses veered to the left. He struggled to get control of them and the curricle. They weaved all over the road for a while until the horses calmed down and they were traveling at an even pace. He pulled on the reins and the horses slowed down enough that he could turn toward her. His nostrils flared and he clenched his jaw. He might be a little bit angry with her.

  She batted her eyelashes at him. Water dripped down her face and down her chin. She had to look absolutely horrid, but heat flared between them. It was palpable and took her breath away. His anger appeared to turn to something else. Something far more desirable... What would he do if she kissed him? After the festival, he hadn’t tried to kiss her again. He had done his best to put a wall up. As if what existed between them was a figment of her imagination. Samantha was no fool. He felt something for her. If all they had was passion, so be it. She could work with that and hope that real feelings developed along the way.

  The rain kept coming down. Jason cursed and pulled the curricle down a narrow drive. “Maybe it’s a place we can take refuge.” The path was bumpy, and they hobbled through se
veral deep water puddles. At the end of the lane was a tiny cottage. Jason pulled on the reins to stop the horses. He tossed them at her. “Hold those while I knock on the door and see if anyone is home.”

  Samantha trembled but kept the reins secure in her grip. Jason ran to the cottage and rapped on the door. Several moments went by and no one answered, and the door remained firmly closed. She cursed. Samantha needed to get out of the cold. She shivered uncontrollably now and her teeth had started to chatter.

  Jason turned the handle and pushed on the door. It didn’t budge. He looked at the ground, leaned down and picked up a rock, then used it to break a window. He pushed all the glass away and climbed inside. Samantha shook her head in disbelief. She never thought he’d break in to the cottage, but she was secretly grateful. The door swung open and Jason jogged back to the carriage. When he reached her, he shouted, “Grab your valise and go inside while I take care of the horses and curricle.”

  She stepped out of the carriage and did as he had instructed. Samantha couldn’t wait to get out of the rain. When she strode into the cottage, she breathed a sigh of relief. She was still freezing though. She needed to get out of her wet clothes, see about finding blankets, and maybe some candles for light. They would probably be in the cottage for a while. It didn’t take her long to find a candelabra filled with tapered candles and four neatly folded quilts. She lit the candles immediately with a match from the tinderbox.

  Jason came back in and shut the door. He shook violently. “Take your clothes off,” she ordered. He stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “They need to dry, and you’ll catch your death if you stay in those wet clothes.” Samantha tossed him a blanket. “I found these. You can cover yourself with it.”

  “I’ll start a fire first,” he said and went to the hearth. He tossed a few logs inside and grabbed the tinderbox.

  If he wanted to worry about the fire, she’d let him. She had to get out of her own wet clothing and warm herself. She went over to the far side of the room and untied the laces of her dress and slipped it off. When she had everything off except her chemise she glanced up to discern Jason’s progress. The fire was blazing, and he was staring in her direction. The firelight made his eyes glow and her breath froze in her throat. That desire…burned through her.

  Gregory stared out the window of his room at the inn. The rain continued to pour, beating hard against the ground. The road was covered in muddy puddles. If he tried to take his carriage through it, they would most likely get stuck. Everything about this trip was plagued with upheaval and pitfalls.

  Kaitlin came to stand beside him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. “Are you going to brood the entire day?”

  “What would you have me do?” Gregory nearly growled out the words. “We’re stuck here, and they may have already arrived in Scotland.”

  “Then they’ll be married.” She met his gaze. “There’s nothing you can do after that. There’s nothing you can do now. So staring at the rain, willing it to stop, doesn’t help. You, my love, have no dominion over the weather.”

  He blew out a breath. “I hate this.”

  “I know that you do. Did you ever consider letting them be?” She lifted a brow. “Samantha is capable of making her own decisions. She didn’t ask you for your advice on the matter. Perhaps this is what she’s always wanted.”

  “Did she seek your counsel?” He tilted his head to the side and studied her. Did his wife know something he did not? She’d been relatively quiet about everything. “Did she confess her secret desires to you?”

  “No,” she answered, then smiled. “But she is one of my closest friends. She’s kept the matters of her heart to herself, for good reason, I might add. You haven’t exactly allowed her to build any real relationships with anyone.” She tapped her fingers across his chest. “Despite that, I do believe she may have feelings for Lord Asthey.”

  Kaitlin had to be wrong. He’d have seen it. His sister was not in love with Asthey. She couldn’t possibly be… “Darling, I think you are seeing something because you want to. Just because we found love does not mean everyone you care about has. Asthey needs a wife, and Samantha is throwing a tantrum to thwart me. She fails to see I’ve only sought to protect her. If I don’t stop this, she will regret that decision.”

  She sighed. “Nothing I say will get through that thick skull of yours. I do wish you would quit being so obtuse.” She stepped away from him. “Until you can grasp the situation in a clear manner, I suppose the only thing I can do is let you stew by yourself. I’m going to see if the inn has another room. I find your company…unappealing.”

  He reached out and grabbed her wrist to stop her. “Don’t leave me.” Gregory hated the idea of being separated from her, but he also couldn’t do as she asked. He was incapable of relaxing until he found his sister. Gregory blamed himself for not having the foresight to anticipate Asthey’s desperation fully. How could he have not realized his friend might solve his dilemma by marrying Samantha?

  “You don’t need me,” she said firmly. Kaitlin held his gaze. “You’re much happier believing you know what is best for everyone. I’ll follow you all the way to Scotland, but I don’t have to like it. Maybe, by the time we arrive, you’ll discern the truth—you’re a complete arse and standing in the way of your sister’s happiness.”

  She pulled her wrist out of his hand and left him alone. He stared after her, but didn’t move. He wasn’t certain what to do. Was Kaitlin right? Did Samantha have strong feelings for Asthey, and was he standing in their way? No, he couldn’t be… Gregory shook his head and sighed.

  They would continue on to Scotland, and he would find Asthey and Samantha. Once he found them he would make Asthey pay, and Samantha would thank him for saving her from herself. That was the only outcome he believed in. Kaitlin would see it too. Gregory had been protecting his sister for years, and he alone knew what she needed, which wasn’t marriage to the Earl of Asthey. Samantha deserved to marry a man that loved her, and nothing would convince him Asthey was that man. All Asthey needed was a willing woman to marry him so he could gain control of his inheritance. Samantha was a means to an end and Asthey prayed on her innocent heart. Gregory would save her before she made a grave mistake she’d come to regret later.

  There was a special place in hell for men like him. Jason fully believed after staring at Samantha undress he was destined to spend his afterlife there. He shouldn’t have kept his gaze focused on her as she slowly stripped her wet gown off. The gentlemanly thing to do was to look away, but he couldn’t. He’d been transfixed by her and her beauty. There was no way he was going to be able to keep his hands off of her. He was a fool to believe it even remotely possible.

  “See something you like?” She lifted a brow. “Or have you not seen enough to make a decision yet? I can finish undressing if you’d like.”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She’d be the death of him. “Wrap yourself in the blanket.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke.

  “Are you not going to remove your own wet clothing?” she asked.

  He shook his head. The cold was keeping him from doing something he might come to regret later. Jason may give in and make love to her, but he wouldn’t do it yet. They still had to make it to Scotland and say their vows. Once she was his wife…then, if he gave into his need for her, it would be all right in the eyes of God and society. She didn’t deserved to be debased, and he wouldn’t treat her like a common whore. No matter how much he itched to touch her, he wouldn’t. “I will be fine,” he told her. He gritted his teeth and prayed for the strength to keep his resolve. He was fast losing it as she stood before him with little to cover her delectable body.

  He picked up one of the blankets and secured it over the window he’d broken. When they departed, he’d leave a note with a few coins so the owner could replace it. Jason felt bad that he’d had to break the window, but they needed the shelter. He pulled the blanket back to look outsi
de. The rain continued to pour. They would probably be there for an hour or two before they could continue on to Scotland.

  She moved over to him and placed her hand on his arm. “You need to take care of yourself. I don’t want you to get sick.”

  “I’ll be fine,” he repeated. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been soaked to the skin. Trust me.” He clenched his hands into fists. With her so near, he was about to pull her into his arms and kiss her, do much more than that if he were honest with himself. He needed her more than he’d ever needed a woman in his entire life. Jason would behave. Even if it killed him…

  Samantha reached up and placed her hand on his chin and forced him to meet her gaze. “What is bothering you?”

  Everything… His desire for her was driving him mad, and that wasn’t going away anytime soon. He swallowed hard. There was so much he couldn’t say to her, but he wanted to. Jason still didn’t know if he loved her or if he could love anyone. He wished, not for the first time, that he could talk to one of his friends. If he could ask Harrington or even Shelby how they’d known they loved their wives…maybe he could understand the emotions rolling through him.

  He could ask Samantha. She had said she feared never knowing love. That didn’t mean she didn’t understand it in some fashion… If he broached the topic with her though, he’d have to explain why he was asking her about love. Considering she was going to be his wife, it would be a rather awkward conversation. He didn’t want to bring love into their lives until he was certain. “I’m frustrated.” It was an easy answer to her question. “I wanted to make it to Scotland today.”

  “We might still be able to…”

  He shook his head. “Let’s not worry about it right now. Why don’t you rest? It might be your last chance before we get to Scotland, and neither one of us has managed much sleep on this adventure of ours.” He pasted a smile on his face, hoping it was more encouraging than inauspicious.