Forever My Earl Read online

  “So you won’t thrust a blade through your heart if you lose your one true love?”

  “No,” she said. “Besides that sounds quite painful. I think living with a broken heart would have to suffice.”

  He smiled. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “Of course I am,” she said. “I’ve had enough pain to last a thousand lifetimes and I’m still here. It takes more courage to live than to end it.”

  She wished she could have been enough for her mother. Her father hadn’t been any better. All her life she’d always taken second seat to both of them. Her mother had been all right at first but then she had fallen victim to her laudanum and nothing else mattered. Until she gave up entirely and taken too much. The Viscount had been so much in love with her that her death had devastated him. He’d become melancholy and distant. Not much time passed before he went to sleep one night and never woke up. Sometimes Hannah thought he’d done something to himself to make sure he joined the love of his life. In her eyes her parents were not unlike Romeo and Juliet save one difference. Well two... They were not star crossed lovers and their choice of death varied.

  “Care to lend me some of that unshakeable bravery you have running through your veins?” he asked.

  “Anytime,” she said. “I’m here if you need me to be.”

  He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. “We shouldn’t be here like this.”

  “No one is here to chastise us,” she said. “You worry too much.”

  “And you don’t fret nearly enough,” he shot back. “Someone has to do it for you.”

  She grinned. “We’re a fine pair, my lord.”

  This was the Garrick she missed. The man she met in this very library and discussed Shakespeare. He’d been hiding and she’d feared he was gone forever. But here he was live and in color. God, she’d missed him. She prayed he was here to stay.

  “I should’ve written you back,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I never did.”

  “It’s all right,” she said. “You were at war and had other concerns.”

  “I did write so many times...” He brushed his hand across the small of her back and tingles spread over her. “But I’d rethink it and never post it. I have several of them in my case. I can give them to you now.”

  Excitement filled her at the prospect. “If you like,” she said. “I’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to share them.”

  “There’s so much I’d like to share with you. I’m not sure I dare to.”

  Hannah licked her lips. There were a lot of things she wanted. But there was one thing she craved more than anything—a kiss. Did she take a chance and kiss him herself or should she wait for him to initiate one? Why was all of this so hard?

  “For once,” she said encouragingly. “Do something for yourself.”

  Garrick lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. Tiny sparks spread through her lower belly and fluttered to life. His lips were soft and inviting. His taste flooded her senses and brought her craving out in full force. She’d wanted this for so long that it was almost surreal that it was finally happening.

  He pressed his tongue to hers and they danced together in intimate and delectable ways. Garrick pulled her closer as they kissed each other. They learned each other as their passion was fueled by lips, tongue, and teeth. Hannah would remember every aspect of this moment for the rest of her days. If she was never kissed again she’d look back and think of him. He’d given her so much with this one flash of ardor. If she had to live the rest of her life as a spinster at least she’d go to it with a full understanding of how carnality could lead even the most innocent astray. If he asked she'd give herself fully to him.

  Garrick pulled back and stared down at her. His breathing was ragged and shallow. “We need to stop.”

  She wanted to scream no, but knew he was right. This would only lead them down a path of regret. Hannah sighed. “I wish you were wrong.”

  “So do I, sprite.” He stroked her hair. “You can’t understand how much.”

  “I’ll leave you in peace.” Hannah stepped back reluctantly. “Try to find time to rest. You need it.”

  He nodded. “I will.”

  She turned away from him and exited the library leaving her heart with him once again. Not that she’d ever taken it back. It was more like she left it with him still. He’d always own it. She only wished she didn’t have to turn away from him and leave them both forever lonely. She wanted to run back to him and tell him that he would forever be her earl. If he would welcome that from her she’d do it in a heartbeat. Some things weren’t meant to be...

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The days passed by in a blur. Garrick managed to keep his distance from Hannah even though everything inside of him screamed to seek her out. The kiss they’d shared would be one he’d remember all of his days. He loved her and always would, but he was damaged. The war had irrevocably changed him.

  “There you are,” his mother said in a harried tone. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  Garrick sighed. “It’s not as if I’m hiding mother. I’ve been in my study going over the accounting most of the day.”

  “Well,” she said. “You should take more breaks. I worry for you.”

  Since when? She’d always doted on the heir and failed to acknowledge the spare. Amazing how his brother’s death changed her attitude. “What do you need?”

  “It’s almost time for the evening meal. Are you planning on joining us?” She quirked a brow. “You’ve been absent of late and working all hours of the night.”

  Garrick rubbed his brow and tried to ease the pain increasing in his head. He loved his mother. Truly... But lately she drove his patience to the brink of dissipating. If she didn’t cease her pushing he’d explode from the inside out. “Mother,” he said quietly. “What is it you really want?”

  “Don’t be difficult, dear,” his mother chastised. “I want nothing more than your attendance tonight. You do have to eat.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “Can I count on you?”

  He sighed. “Yes,” he replied. “Have them set a place for me. I’ll be down after I change.”

  Without another word he spun on his heels and headed to his chamber. There was a reason he’d been avoiding attending any of the meals. Hannah would be there and it would be difficult to keep his feelings in check. One glance and he feared they would come spilling out. She said she’d leave at some point and as much as he wanted her to stay... He was starting to think it might be a good idea for her to find someplace else to live until she inherited her fortune.

  He entered his room and his valet jumped up immediately. “My lord,” he said with a bow. “Do you require my service tonight?”

  “I do,” Garrick said pulling at his cravat. “I’m going to dine with the family tonight.”

  His valet headed toward Garrick’s dressing closet and pulled out a formal waistcoat, jacket, pants, and a fresh cravat then laid them on the bed. “Would you like a bath?”

  Garrick shook his head. “There’s not enough time. My mother will have my head if I delay them.”

  Though a bath did sound wonderful... He could soak for a while and then crawl into his bed. He was so exhausted he could barely think straight. Pouring over the ledgers day after day drained him. He was finally reaching the end and had a solid plan in place to increase the family’s coffers. It would take a while and they’d have to be rather frugal but they could manage. He didn’t need much and thankfully his only dependants were his mother and niece.

  “Very well, my lord,” his valet said. “Shall we begin.”

  Garrick nodded wearily and stripped the rest of his clothing off. His mother insisted on formal wear at the evening meal. Otherwise he’d have followed her to the dining room instead of retreating to his chamber. His valet helped him dress quickly and tie his cravat around his neck.

  “Will you need anything else from me?” His valet asked.

  “No,” Garrick said. “I’ll tak
e care of myself this evening.”

  He nodded and exited the room.

  Garrick mentally prepared himself for dealing with his mother and their house guests. Lady Corinne was still there and spending a lot of time with Amelia. It was good for the little girl to have her aunt there, but Garrick was annoyed by it. Every time he came in contact with Lady Corinne she didn’t make it a secret she’d welcome a match between the two of them. He wouldn’t marry her for any reason and if she kept pushing she’d force him to voice that sentiment. With a deep breath he left his chambers and headed to the sitting room where the ladies would be waiting for him.

  He skipped the steps two at a time and walked toward the room. The ladies voices echoed throughout. He paused a moment and listened to them frowning.

  “How long to you plan to take advantage of Manchester’s good graces?” Lady Corinne asked. “Don’t you think it’s time you returned home?”

  “Do you not miss yours as well?” Hannah said. “Your parents must find it difficult to be parted from you considering their loss.”

  Point to Hannah. Garrick almost smiled at her words but held it in check. She could take care of herself rather well. He stepped through the entrance and bowed. “Ladies,” he said. “I’m here to escort you to dinner.”

  They rose and made their way over to him. “I’m so glad you have decided to join us this evening Lord Manchester.” Lady Corinne looped her arm through his. “We’ve missed you so.”

  “The estate won’t run itself,” he said dryly. “Someone must do all the hard work.” That sounded stupid, but it was somewhat the truth.

  “There’s no reason to work yourself into exhaustion,” his mother said. “If you marry well your wife’s dowry will bring everything to rights.”

  Was that her angle? Did she hope he’d marry so they’d have larger coffers? “I have no plans to marry mother. So work is all I have left.”

  They entered the dining room and Garrick escorted Lady Corinne to her seat. She sat prettily and smiled up at him as if he had done some great deed. It took everything inside of him not to frown back at her and roll his eyes. Was she feeding off his mother’s desire to tie them together? It looked like he’d have to disabuse her of the notion they’d somehow become husband and wife. If he ever desired to wed Lady Corinne would not be his first choice.

  Hannah stepped quietly into the room and walked to her own seat at the table. She didn’t wait for him to pull her chair out. Instead she sat and unfolded her napkin awaiting the first course. His mother on the other hand remained standing while he rounded the table to pull the chair out for her. Once all of the ladies were sitting he sat at the head of the table.

  “What have you been doing every day you’ve been ignoring us?” his mother asked.

  Garrick lifted a brow. “I believe I already said I’ve been managing the estate. What more do you wish me to discuss?” He tilted his head studying her. “or would you like me to go line for line on the accounting of the livestock on one of the farms or perhaps you would like to know the yield of the fields of corn on each one?”

  “Must you be so ridiculous?” his mother scoffed. “Ladies don’t discuss such matters.”

  “Perhaps we should,” Hannah said. “Why should we remain ignorant to everything around us? Wouldn’t it be better if we understood it?”

  “Of course not,” Lady Corinne said. “That’s a man’s job.”

  Garrick stared at them all incredulously. Listening to them he realized why he didn’t particularly like Lady Corinne. She reminded him too much of his mother. He’d never been impressed with her outlook on life and hoped to one day find a woman who dared to challenge the world around her. That was why he’d been so drawn to Hannah from the start. She questioned everything and wanted to be better.

  “Sometimes it is easier to allow someone to take care of us,” Hannah said softly. “But some don’t have that luxury. They have to figure out how to live in a world without the benefit of a man’s advice.”

  Garrick wanted nothing more than to be the man she leaned on. Perhaps he could be without risking his heart even more than he already had. It would forever belong to her, but he couldn’t let her know that. If he did she might take it upon herself to claim more than that. Hannah had a strong spirit and might decide to fight for a right to be with him. A part of him wanted to let her.

  “I’m grateful I’m not in such a position,” Lady Corinne said haughtily. “I don’t envy anyone who has to do something as ghastly as becoming involved in their own finances.”

  Garrick was starting to think Lady Corinne was a silly and empty headed woman. Did she honestly believe the nonsense she was spouting? He glanced at her and then at Hannah. No, she didn’t. She was saying it to get a rise out of Hannah. He almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Hannah was serenely sitting in her seat and Lady Corinne stared at her irately. Nothing she said was going to make Hannah lose her temper. It must be driving Lady Corinne mad.

  “I can confirm that the stress of accounting is not for the weak,” Garrick replied. “But it is rewarding if done well.”

  “True,” Hannah said. “I rather like knowing what is going on with my life. It brings me a certain amount of peace. Which reminds me have you heard back from my solicitor?”

  “I have not,” Garrick said. “I expect I’ll receive some sort of correspondence soon though. We’re rather out of the way here at Manchester. Are you in a hurry to leave us?”

  Hanna remained quiet as a couple maids came in and placed the first course in front of them. Garrick tapped on the table awaiting her response. He was perverse in that he wanted her to stay but at the same time hoped she’d leave soon. He wished wholeheartedly he could have her close to him. How could it be so wonderful and painful at the same time to have her near?

  “I have enjoyed my time here,” Hannah began. “But I’d prefer to have my affairs settled and move on.”

  “I’m sure it will be soon, my dear,” his mother said encouragingly. “That cousin of yours is an unnatural relation. I can’t imagine a gentleman shirking his duties in such a manner.”

  Garrick fully intended to deal with Hannah’s cousin when the time was right. He didn’t understand why he’d been in a hurry to turn her out. What did he gain from such an action?

  “Perhaps he doesn’t believe in familial duty,” Lady Corinne replied. “For some it’s a difficult concept to handle. Especially if their family isn’t particularly likeable.”

  What was she getting at with that statement? Was Lady Corinne implying Hannah deserved to be treated in such a manner? How dare she...

  “You can’t blame a person for another’s faults.” Garrick picked up his wine glass and downed the contents. A server was at his side immediately to fill it up. He swished the contents in the glass considering his next words carefully. “Otherwise you might find yourself in a similar position.”

  Both Lady Corinne and his mother’s mouths fell open at his statement. They didn’t like that much did they? Neither one of them had a problem insulting Hannah but didn’t care to have it turned back on them. He sipped his wine slowly and let it linger on his tongue before he swallowed.

  “There’s no need to be rude,” his mother said.

  “Isn’t there?” Garrick smiled. “I find its most effective if used appropriately.” He stood, set his glass down, and tossed his napkin on the table. “If you’ll excuse me I have more work to do.” He nodded at them. “Enjoy the rest of your meal.”

  With those words he exited the room. He couldn’t take any more of the pretense. His mother would continue to push him toward Lady Corinne and nothing he said would deter her. Perhaps it was time to accept that and take a different course of action. He’d been going about everything all wrong and he had some plans to make.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Hannah brushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she headed toward the rose garden at Manchester. The hot summer sun brightened her path and heated her skin. She loved the castle but
wished it didn’t come with the unpleasantness of some of its current inhabitants. Garrick was the one good thing she could always count on—even if he’d been absent of late. The stress of running the estate had to be taking its toll on him.

  “Why if it isn’t the lovely Miss Knight,” Lord Warwick said greeting her in his usual droll manner. “To what do I owe the honor of your presence?”

  His golden blond hair almost sparkled underneath the sun’s light and his charming smile lured her forward. He was a handsome man and any warm-blooded female would be drawn to him. As she moved closer she realized something wasn’t quite right with him. There was a glaze to his eyes that wasn’t normal.

  “You must realize my appearance in the garden has nothing to do with you.” She lifted a brow. “Why must you make everything seem more torrid than it is?”

  “What can I say,” he said as he lifted his hand to his chest. “It’s a gift.”

  Hannah’s lips twitched as she fought a smile. “My lord you’re an unrepentant flirt.”

  “Guilty,” he replied smugly. “But you have to admit you enjoy it.”

  She did, but she’d never voice that sentiment aloud. It was rather nice to have a male pay attention to her. Garrick had kissed her and then promptly pretended it had never happened. Was it so wrong to enjoy Lord Warwick’s attentions? She’d been relegated to the status of spinster without much of a chance to find a husband. Her parents’ had pretty much sealed her fate with their proclivities. At this juncture of her life she’d settle for a life of quiet solitude. Once she had access to her inheritance she’d buy a small cottage and live on her own in the country somewhere. Perhaps she’d even leave England and make her way in the world far from the stigma of her past.

  “My lord,” she said evenly. “I’d be a fool to encourage you.” Hannah tilted her head and studied him. “What brings you to the garden on this lovely day? I would never have taken you for the sort to enjoy nature of any kind.”