Confessions of a Hellion: Bluestockings Defying Rogues Book 7 Read online

  She shrugged. “It matters not,” Samantha said. “There isn’t a lot of choices for a lady of good birth. I’ve accepted that I won’t have much choice in my future.” She placed a hand on his arm. “You have more options than I do. What do you plan on doing with your life?”

  He wished he knew. “I don’t have much choice either.” Should he confess his situation to her? What did he hope she’d say if he did?

  “I know,” she said. He jerked back as the shock of her words rolled over him.

  Did she? How could she possibly understand what he faced? “What is it, exactly, you think you know?”

  “You need…” She paused a moment and swiped her tongue over her lips quickly before finishing. “…a wife.”

  He closed his eyes a moment and then nodded. “I do.” Jason hated admitting that. Especially to her… It killed something inside of him that he may have lowered himself in her regard. He didn’t ask how she knew of his predicament. It didn’t matter. The fact that she knew was enough to rattle him. Did everyone know about his shame? Were they all secretly laughing at him?

  She stepped forward, closing the distance between them. “I think we can help each other out, if you’re willing.”

  He should take a step back. Jason hated that her closeness stirred something inside of him. Especially considering he didn’t believe himself worthy of her. He stayed in place though. Jason wasn’t certain what he wanted anymore, but he liked Samantha, and perhaps… Finishing that thought would not aid his cause. He swallowed the lump in his throat. She couldn’t possibly be offering what he thought she was. “I’m not certain that is wise.”

  “It’s the perfect solution. If you’re willing to have me, I’d be happy to marry you. Consider me the remedy to all your difficulties.” Her lips tilted upward into a serene smile. “After all, I must confess, I do consider you the solution to all of mine. There is no other gentleman I’d contemplate offering myself to in such a manner.” That did not suit the current state of his…needs. He could easily picture slowly undressing her, touching her satin skin, and kissing every inch of her delectable body.

  He’d be a fool to accept her offer. Shelby would surely murder him. If he married her though…she’d be his, and Shelby could go to the devil. If he went through with this plan of hers, nothing would be able to separate them. Jason wouldn’t let her go once he tied himself to Samantha. She’d been unattainable, untouchable, and now… There was one issue. He would never be able to remain indifferent to her as he planned to with the lady he married. His blood heated at the thought of having her. Samantha was beautiful, intelligent, and everything he hadn’t believed he could have.

  Instead of answering her, he walked away. He couldn’t make a decision. Not yet at least. He had to consider every aspect of it before he committed to her. Once they married, and God he was contemplating it, everything would change.

  Chapter 4

  Music echoed through the ballroom as gentlemen asked ladies to dance. A swirl of colors filled the room as the dancers twirled around the floor to the steady rhythm of the orchestra. Samantha wasn’t one of those dancers. After she left the garden terrace, she took up space in her usual place in a ballroom—the wall. To be more precise, the far corner where no one could see her. She was still able to discretely observe them. Not that it mattered much where she decided to root herself for the evening. No one paid her any mind anymore. Nothing would change that. She didn’t even know why she bothered with balls considering her lack of dance partners.

  This one was supposed to be different though. Lord Asthey should have been happy to hear her offer. It hadn’t gone as planned. Her heart sank a little and despair started to take root inside of her. How could he have walked away from her without a word? What had she done wrong? Samantha thought she’d presented herself as an option rather well. She’d dressed with care to make herself appealing. Her gown was indigo silk trimmed in silver lace. The blue brought out the color of her eyes, not that he could have detected that in the low light, but he should have at least noted the lower décolletage. Not once had he even attempted to sneak a glance at her bosom. He didn’t see her that way…

  Samantha sighed. She’d failed. There was no escaping that fact. This was her last chance to be with Lord Asthey, and hopefully confess her love one day. Now she’d never be able to say those words to him. She would never be able to openly love him. Samantha was doomed to spend her life alone, and it was time, finally, to accept that.

  “Why are you hiding in the corner,” a man asked, confusion filled his voice as he spoke.

  Samantha, startled at his words, placed her hand over her heart. “Lord Asthey,” she said shakily. “My apologies, I didn’t notice your approach.” Was he here to accept her bold proposal? Had her efforts not been in vain as she had thought? Did she dare hope he would agree to marry her? Her heart beat faster and her breath caught in her throat. Please tell me you agree…

  He glanced at the dance floor and then back at her. “Why are you not dancing?”

  She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Samantha didn’t understand why he had sought her out, but she wouldn’t fail again. “I’m afraid my dance card has gone unsigned.” She smiled. “It’s all right, my lord. I’ve come to accept my status as the spinster wallflower.”

  He frowned. “Is this what you were trying to explain to me earlier?” Lord Asthey shook his head. “This is unacceptable. A lady of your standing shouldn’t be relegated to a corner.”

  Samantha refused to feel sorry for herself. She’d done enough of that for a lifetime already. Her future wouldn’t be spent in any more corners, and she wouldn’t be a spinster. “What do you propose to do to rectify this injustice?” She lifted a brow.

  He narrowed his gaze. “Are you daring me?”

  She’d do more than that if it gained his attention. “If I am?” Her tone was playful and inviting. She hoped he took the bait.

  “Very well,” he said. “I accept.” Lord Asthey held out his hand to her. “May I have this dance, my lady?”

  The previous dance had ended and the strands of a waltz started to fill the room. Perfect. She couldn’t have planned it better if she tried. “It would be my pleasure, my lord.”

  Lord Asthey looped his arm with hers and led her to the floor. Once there, he guided her expertly into the dance with little effort. Samantha couldn’t recall ever dancing with him like this. This time seemed somehow different. Of course that was ridiculous and completely inside her head... No one else could possibly see anything different between them because nothing had actually changed. This was her fairytale, her dream, a wish she never dared to believe in.

  Her breath froze in her throat. This was…exhilarating. Her entire body came alive in ways it never had before. The feel of one of his hands at her side and the other clasped with hers. The space between them next to nothing… She’d imagined how this might feel, but it didn’t compare to reality. If this was a dream, she hoped to never wake.

  She wanted to close her eyes and bask in the thrill of dancing with him, but she kept them open. It was far better to stay in reality than to float through dreams. This was one dance. He’d made no promises and he hadn’t agreed to marry her to save them both. Lord Asthey may very well deliver her back to her corner and walk away from her forever. Nothing was guaranteed.

  “What is the reason for the sadness in your eyes?” he asked. “Is it because you don’t have suitors clamoring for your attention any longer?”

  “If it were that simple,” she said softly. “I suppose that is part of it, but it is much larger than that.” She glanced to the other side of the dance floor where her brother twirled Kaitlin expertly. Samantha nodded in their direction. “Kaitlin somehow managed to secure my surly brother’s affections, Marian has a complete family now, and I’m…alone. It may not seem that way when I have loving friends and family, but I don’t feel as if I belong.”

  “You want a family of your own.”

  “I d
o,” she said. “At least it would give me purpose. I am at a crossroads. No suitors, no love, nothing to wake up to each day. If I’m not to marry, I need to discern what it is I want to do with my life. The days of dancing until dawn are behind me. It’s time I grew up and accepted my place in this world, whatever that may be.”

  Lord Asthey glanced toward her brother and Kaitlin. What was he thinking? Did he envy them as she did? Did Lord Asthey even believe in love? She’d never considered that he might not want love for himself. Not that it mattered if he chose to refuse her…

  Jason stared at Shelby dancing with his wife. His friend had indeed been tamed, or at least as tamed as he’d ever be. He wasn’t quite as scandalous as he used to be, and seemed content to spend the rest of his days loving his wife. What must it be like? To love someone and have them return that love? Jason hadn’t thought to wish for something as profound as love for himself. Was it even possible to find it…?

  No. He’d never have love. Not if he was going to follow his grandfather’s dictates and marry for his inheritance. He didn’t have the luxury of time to court a woman properly. Love didn’t magically happen because he willed it to. He would either have a marriage of convenience with enough money to sustain his estate, or he could be a pauper who sought love. Practicality would win every time… There were people who depended on him, and he had to consider them first. Selfishness had no place in his considerations.

  He glanced down at Samantha. She’d offered to marry him to save them both. She hadn’t brought love into the mix, but Jason could see himself loving her though. He was half way there already… He sneaked another look at Shelby and then returned his gaze to Samantha. Did he dare risk his friend’s wrath and marry her?

  “About your suggestion…”

  “That we marry?” She tilted her head to the side. “Have you considered it?”

  He had meant to take more time to ponder the possibility. Jason hadn’t fully expected to tell her anything in the affirmative. After a respectable amount of time he’d planned on letting her down easy. Now though… He had a powerful urge to whisk her away and run to the Scottish border so they could marry in haste. “I haven’t made a decision.”

  She batted her eyelashes. “What must a lady do to convince you that marriage will be quite…blissful?” Samantha’s lips tilted upward coyly. “Say yes, Lord Asthey. I promise you will not regret it.”

  Jason chuckled. He couldn’t help it. Samantha had always been a bit of a hellion. She would have no problem expressing her wishes. It might be refreshing to spend the rest of his days with her. She would constantly surprise him, yet he could pinpoint what to expect from her in certain instances. She was a conundrum, and that was what he had always liked about her. “You can’t make that promise.”

  “Oh, I can,” she said. Her voice had an earnest tone to it. “Because I’ll be the best wife for you.”

  His mouth twisted as he fought a smile. It would only encourage her. “Will you?” Jason twirled her around the floor. He certainly knew what he’d like to do to, and with her. If they married, he would strip her bare and taste every inch of her. He couldn’t stop all the sinful thoughts from entering his deprived mind. She’d opened up the possibilities by offering herself to him. Now he could think of little else. “Tell me something…how do you plan to handle your brother? He’s been standing in your way since your come out. Do you think he’ll stand idly by while we say our vows?”

  “No,” she answered. “My dear brother will be the arse he always is. If we decide to do this, it won’t be with his permission.” She met his gaze and didn’t waver once. “Will that be a problem for you?”

  It might be… Jason didn’t want to alienate his friend. It was a risk. One he’d been aware of from the start of this conversation. The real question was: did he want to gamble his friendship away by marrying Samantha? Shelby might never forgive him, but the reward might be worth it. He had to decide… “Marriage is more than vows. Can you commit to it completely?” He deliberately lowered his gaze to her lips, then farther down to her exquisite bosom. Jason desired her more than he wanted to admit, to himself, or to her. If they were not dancing in front of so many people he might be tempted to seduce her, to test her, see if she truly meant to make this devil’s bargain with him.

  “You’re referring to the marriage bed.” Her lips titled upward into a sinful smile, or perhaps he was reading too much into it... “I realize there will be certain expectations. You’ll need an heir, after all.”

  This whole exchange was a bit too cold for him. He hated talking about making love to her as if it were a business arrangement. The marriage would be…but he hated it. He wouldn’t sully Samantha by forcing her to do something she seemed to find a duty at best, and distasteful at worst. He could respect her and be there for her though. “If I agree to this, and I’m not saying I do…” Jason wished it didn’t have to be like this. Maybe in a different time and place they might have had something…more meaningful between them—at the very least a bit of passion.

  “What is holding you back from assenting?” She nibbled on her bottom lip. He stared as her teeth grazed that plump pink lip and wanted to kiss her. Jason had never desired anything as much as he did that. This was going to be difficult.

  “I won’t be able to get a special license,” he said. “If we decide to wed, we’ll have to go to Scotland. Shelby will probably come after us. It won’t be an easy trip.”

  “What you’re saying is we will have an adventure.” Her eyes practically twinkled with excitement.

  Jason shook his head at her eagerness. Of course Samantha would be enthusiastic to go on a wild sojourn with him. They could make it fun, he supposed… “We will have to keep a bruising pace. Do you think you can do that?” Shelby would kill him… He shouldn’t even entertain the idea of marrying her, but he couldn’t stop himself now. She was the one he wanted, even if he never planned on touching her beyond a hug or a chaste kiss.

  “I’m prepared to do whatever is necessary to become your wife.”

  The strands of the song were coming to an end. He had to settle this before their dance ended. His lips tilted upward into a wicked smile. “Good. Then, Samantha, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  “I’d like nothing more.” She beamed with pleasure. “When do we leave?”

  It would be better if they could sneak away without anyone noticing. Jason considered the best time for their elopement. “The ball will go all night. Make an excuse to leave early. I’ll collect you from your house before dawn. We will get several hours head start before anyone notices you’re missing.”

  “I’ll be ready,” she said.

  Jason led her to the edge of the dance floor. He bowed slightly and turned on his heels to leave her side. This was madness, but nothing was going to prevent him from marrying Samantha. He needed her, and apparently, she needed him. The rest would work out. He hoped…

  Chapter 5

  The sky was pitch black. The streets were nearly empty along Mayfair’s upper crust residences. Jason didn’t own a townhouse, and hadn’t really seen himself purchasing one. If he married Samantha, he’d have to reconsider that. If he married Samantha… He had gone way past hypotheticals and had moved on to definite territory. The borrowed curricle with its matching pair of horses went a long way to determining that. He didn’t have one of his own, and even if he had, he’d have still borrowed one. Jason required stealth, and a carriage with his crest emblazoned on it would be a dead giveaway.

  Thankfully Lucas, the Earl of Darcy, hadn’t questioned why he needed the use of his curricle. Jason couldn’t ask Harrington or word would have gotten back to Shelby much sooner than he’d have liked. Shelby wouldn’t think to start with Darcy. Though, if Jason had taken the time to explain to Darcy he was eloping with Samantha, he’d have stalled Shelby. There was no love lost between those two… It was better if Darcy had plausible deniability though. He couldn’t accidentally tell Shelby Jason’s plans if he d
idn’t actually know what they were.

  He pulled the curricle to a stop in front of Shelby’s townhouse. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to wait long for Samantha to exit and join him in the carriage. Several moments passed by without any sign of activity from the house. Jason tapped his foot impatiently on the floor. Where was she? He wiped his clammy palms against his breeches. His heart raced inside his chest and he could hear it thundering in his ears. This wasn’t a good sign. Samantha should already be outside. They had made specific plans. If she didn’t exit the house soon, he’d have to leave. He couldn’t risk being caught waiting outside for her. There would be too many questions, and he wouldn’t want to answer any of them.

  Movement from the side of the house caught his attention. He turned his gaze toward it and breathed a sigh of relief as he recognized Samantha in the moonlight. She had a small valise in her left hand. She stepped up to the carriage and he reached out to assist her into it. His hand shook a little as she placed hers in his.

  Samantha settled into the seat beside him and placed her valise on the floor. She blew out a nervous breath. “Go.” She motioned to the reins. “What are you waiting for?”

  Jason shook his head incredulously. She could be so demanding. Though he did like that about her most of the time… “As the lady wishes,” he answered a little sardonically and then flicked the reins to get the horses moving.

  The clip clop of hooves on the pebbled path was the only sound around them for several heartbeats. He was afraid to mutter a word, and perhaps Samantha was as well. The awkwardness of the situation wasn’t lost on him. He didn’t even know what he should say to her. This was an unprecedented position that he found himself in. Elopement was the last thing he ever expected to do…

  They finally reached the edges of London, and soon they would completely leave the city behind them. His stomach started to settle a little as they moved forward. They were really running off to get married. Bloody hell. He had lost his mind. It was the only explanation for what he was about to do. What he’d already done.