Better as a Memory (Begin Again Book 2) Read online

  She placed her hand on her stomach, and titled her lips into a happy smile.

  Her child—their child deserved to know both its parents. Belle would like to think Cain was a good man. She was glad she didn’t have to figure out how to find him and let him know he was going to be a father. When she found him injured and bleeding in the back yard her heart had seized for a brief moment. The shock of seeing him had almost undone her, and then she reacted. She fell back on her training as a doctor and worked toward saving the man who’d stolen a piece of her heart a few months ago. When she found out she was pregnant she’d been so terrified. How was she going to explain to her parents she didn’t know who the baby’s father was? They’d had one night and she had the proof to show for it. Now he was saying he wanted more.

  “I don’t know little one. Can I trust him?” She rubbed her belly. “Should I let your daddy in on our little secret or let him disappear from our life again?’

  Whatever she decided it would have to be done soon. Cain was bound to leave again. It seemed it was the kind of life he lived. He’d been shot, and he’d said over and over he was only out to protect her. She didn’t doubt for a minute that he meant that. It appeared he lived a dangerous life. If she told him everything she was not only putting herself at risk but the baby she carried. Could she do that? Risk everything for him? Belle had fallen in love with him in one night. It didn’t make sense, but it happened. She understood him even if she didn’t fully grasp the reasons he did what he did. He was a man who’d willingly die for the people that mattered to him. After spending one night in his arms, and a second caring for him she’d begun to see him for who he was. The rest were details she’d uncover the more she got to know him.

  He deserved to know the truth. She’d tell him, but not before she found out more about him. Then she’d let all of her secrets out. It was a give and take thing for her. He was sorely on the negative side in that arrangement. It was time for him to pay up and deliver on his promise.

  “The soup smells good.” Cain stepped into the kitchen. “Are you ready to talk?”

  Yeah, she was more than ready to delve into the details of Cain’s life. “The soup’s going to need to simmer a little while longer. Why don’t we sit in the living room while we discuss everything?”

  “Sounds good to me.” He nodded. “Lead the way.

  Cain followed behind her as she headed out of the kitchen. When she entered the living room she turned to him and crossed her arms across her chest. Where should she start? What questions needed answers the most? Now that she was about to learn all she’d been wanting to know she was nervous and terrified.

  Cain stopped directly behind her and rubbed his hand over her arms. “I don’t bite. Well, unless you want me to.”

  She laughed and glanced at him over her shoulder. He diffused her nerves with his quip. “Tell me who you are. Really. What you do. Your full name. Why you were shot.” She fired off the questions that were at the forefront of her mind. “Don’t hold back with your insane need to protect me. You’re hurting me by keeping it all a secret.”

  He had to tell her everything he could. If he insisted on keeping something back—she’d not be able to tell him her own secret. She wanted him to know, but she had to think about what was best for the baby. Cain had to prove to her he was capable of trusting her. If he couldn’t then what kind of life could they possibly have together? Belle hoped they’d have a chance. Perhaps it was foolish, but she couldn’t help what she felt.

  He leaned down and kissed her neck. “Turn around and look at me.”

  Belle did as he asked. She turned into his arms and let him hold her. He was so damn gorgeous and damn near irresistible. How did she think she’d ever be able to keep him at arm’s length? It wasn’t going to work. No, she’d fight to keep him. It was foolish of her to do anything less. She needed him, and it was clear he believed the same thing.

  He kissed her forehead and then met her gaze. “My name is Cain Dempsey and I’m an undercover agent in the FBI. I was working on a case when I met you. I broke protocol by spending the night with you but I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.”

  “A case at my father’s fundraiser? What could you have been investigating at it?” She shook her head trying to wrap her mind around what he’d said. “My father is above reproach.”

  Surely he wasn’t investigating her father. Wentworth Brennan did remarkable things for the environment. He had more good causes than anyone she knew. No he had to be there for someone else. She didn’t want to think about who it could be. It had to be someone she wasn’t acquainted with.

  “I can’t give you details on the investigation.” He said nothing else. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you…”

  She considered what he wasn’t saying. He was working undercover as an FBI agent. It could be a delicate matter that if he told all would jeopardize his case. If she pushed she might be responsible for putting a dangerous person or persons back on the street to finish what they started or worse. Belle couldn’t ask him to do that. It was an important job he did and she could wait to find out the details. It wasn’t worth it for him to compromise who he was because she was uneasy about the possibility of what the answers might be. If her father was involved, and she didn’t want to consider it, he’d made his decisions. It would hurt, but there’d be nothing she could do for him. She could make things a little easier for the man she’d fallen head over heels for. He deserved a little faith and trust from her.

  “No, I understand. It’s out of my pay grade or something. I get it. You work for national security and all that stuff. If you could tell me you would. Is that why you were shot? Were you working on the same case or a different one?”

  “Same one. My cover was blown. It’s why I needed my pack last night.” He rubbed his hand over her back. “I had to call and let my handler know what was going on and arrange for someone to come in and extract me from the area. I can’t let the men I’m investigating become aware of my whereabouts. I’m afraid I’ve put you in danger by coming here. I didn’t expect to find the house occupied.”

  Yeah, she wasn’t supposed to be there. No one came to the lake house in the fall. She should be at work busy taking care of patients. But life had a funny way of interrupting even the best laid plans. This was apparently where she was meant to be. She wasn’t going to question it anymore. Cain was meant to find her and she was meant to take care of him.

  “It was an unplanned vacation. I needed a break from work.” To make decisions about their baby. “I’m glad I was here to help you.”

  “I was irritated at first. I’m not going to lie to you.” He frowned. “When I realized someone was at the house I had to improvise my plans. When I realized it was you…”

  “You went into overprotective mode?”

  Belle did like that side of him. It felt good that someone wanted to look out for her. He’d be a good father—if he didn’t manage to get himself killed. Worry niggled at the back of her mind. Should she tell him? She wanted to. He deserved to know the secret she kept to herself. A part of her was afraid of what would happen if she let him in on it.

  “Yeah that’s one way of looking at it. I didn’t want to bring you into the mess I found myself in. I left to protect you from this kind of danger.” He leaned down and touched his nose to hers. “But I can’t let you go again. I need you too much. I fully intended to seek you out after this case was finished. I’m not doing undercover work anymore. It’s become too tedious and dangerous for me to do.”

  “What do you want from me?” She had to hear him say the words.

  “Everything.” He kissed her cheek. Then, her lips. “Anything you’re willing to give me. I can be patient until you’re ready. But please don’t shut me out.”

  Her heart leapt with joy at his words. She could tell him it all and trust him to keep them both safe. But she needed something more from him. He kept kissing her and caressing her. With each touch her body came to life and
lit up with need. “Make love to me.”

  “You don’t have to ask twice.”

  Chapter 5

  Cain leaned down and placed his lips on hers. Sparks ignited between them—they were a living flame about to combust. Desire flowed through him. It was almost overwhelming in its intensity. This woman in his arms had the power to undo him. He’d never have enough of her. She was his everything and he’d not let her go again. Even with their separation he’d not change a thing. It was better to not know how things would go. Leaving things up to chance had brought him into her life, not once but twice. It wasn’t his place to question the serendipity of their meeting. All he could do was accept it, and love her as she deserved.

  “You’re beautiful.” He ran his fingers through her dark tresses. He reveled in the silky feel of it as he kissed her once again. Cain lifted his head and gazed into her stunning blue eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

  He didn’t know what he’d done in his life to have the honor of loving her, but he’d not waste the opportunity again. His Belle was an angel in human form. She worked hard to take care of others at her own expense. Her family didn’t appreciate her or love her for who she was. Her mother was a society matron who wanted her to be a debutante or marry a husband who would allow her to stay at home. They didn’t understand her the way Cain did. He knew her better than the people closest to her did.

  “Don’t say that ever again.” She pulled him closer. He didn’t think they could ever get close enough. Belle shook her head and said, “This has nothing to do with what you deserve or I do. We shouldn’t question something that’s as wonderful as this. Instead we should celebrate the gift we’ve been given.”

  Oh, he agreed whole heartedly. Belle was his gift. A treasured one he planned on loving as long as he was allowed to. She belonged with him safely encased in his arms. She wanted him to love her, and he’d gladly oblige every one of her wishes. As long as she stayed with him he believed he could finally be happy.

  “I try to be a good man.” He paused and studied her. Cain had to make her understand why he’d been reluctant to have her be a part of his life. He was over that now. She was his, and he’d accepted that. “But I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve often had to size up a situation and ask myself, what a bad man would do, and act accordingly. It’s how I survived being undercover for so long. A part of me will always be tainted by it. I don’t want that to stain the goodness in you.”

  Her smile was a little wobbly as she gazed up at him. After a moment she said with a shaky voice, “I’m not perfect. Nobody is. Don’t put me on a pedestal I can’t live up to. We’re all beautifully, imperfectly human. That’s what makes life interesting.”

  “I adore you.” He glanced over her shoulder and surveyed the room. “I want to make love to you in the worst way. I’m afraid if we do we might regret it.”

  He sent up an alarm system outside, but it wasn’t fool proof. If Garcia’s men came to the lake house and Belle got hurt because he thought with his cock—he’d never forgive himself. He should wait until he knew it was safe. Lord he wanted her though…

  “I think we’re past the time for regrets.” She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. “I will regret it if you don’t make love to me. I need you.”

  He was torn. She misunderstood his apprehension, but he was hard pressed to deny her anything. “Baby I want to I do…”

  “Then shut up and kiss me again. Quit over thinking it. Just feel.”

  Cain could do that. He loved kissing her. It was one of life’s greatest pleasures. He captured her lips with his and let himself be swept away. He lifted the edge of her shirt and slid his hand underneath it. She groaned as he caressed her bare flesh with the tips of his fingers. The more he touched the greater his desire rose. The sooner she was naked the quicker he could love her properly. He took a step back taking his lips off hers long enough to lift her shirt over her head. He licked his lips as he stared at her pert breasts encased in pink lace and satin. Pretty in pink and flushed a rosy hue to match. Her nipples pebbled into tight buds at his perusal. He leaned down and sucked one into his mouth through the fabric of her bra. She moaned in pleasure.

  “More, I need more,” she begged.

  Cain slid his hand down her waist and unzipped her pants. Matching panties greeted him. It was his lucky day. He got his own cotton candy princess to unwrap, and he couldn’t wait to taste her sweetness. Belle kicked her jeans away and stood in front of him in nothing but her lingerie. It was a sight he’d thought never to see again. He really had been a fool to deny himself the wonder of her. She was perfect even if she didn’t believe it.

  “Baby, I’m on the edge. I don’t know how long I can hold out.”

  “Me too. I need you.”

  Cain lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. He removed the rest of his clothing as quick as possible and reached for her. She took a step back out of his reach.

  “Not yet. I want to taste you first.”

  He groaned at her word. Cain wanted to give her everything she desired, but if she touched him he’d explode. “I’ll never survive.”

  She licked her lips and kneeled before him. “I think you can. Stand there and take your pleasure like a good boy.” Before he could protest her hot lips were sliding over his hard cock. He saw stars and had no thoughts for several seconds. It was so amazing he couldn’t form coherent words. All he could do was feel and get lost in the sensation of her mouth, teeth, and tongue pleasuring him. When she cupped his balls in the palm of her hand he almost came. He reined it in, but it was difficult. “Baby I want to come inside you. I don’t have any condoms…”

  She licked him one last time and then let him go. Belle stood up and stared into his eyes. “We don’t need to worry about them. Love me now.”

  Cain didn’t question her. He was clean, and he was aware she’d never risk anyone. If she said it wasn’t a problem he took her at her word. The last time they’d been together he’d made sure to wear one each time. He would always do whatever it took to make sure she was taken care of. She was too important to him to do anything that would harm her in any way. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Her kisses were amazing and he’d never get tired of them. He slid his hand down her waist and slipped a finger under her panties. With slow deliberate strokes he caressed her clit until she moaned against his lips. She squirmed under his ministrations.

  She pulled away from him and demanded, “Now. Stop this torture. I want you inside of me.”

  Cain didn’t waste any time. He slid her panties off and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist making sure to be careful of his injury. He carried her the short distance to the couch and sat down. He set her down over him as he leaned against the back of the sofa. He’d be able to watch her as she pleasure them both. “Ride me, sweetheart.” She slid down over him; her head fell back with a groan. It was perfect—she was wonderful.

  Belle moved up and down in a slow torturous rhythm. Cain didn’t know how long he’d be able to allow her to keep the pace. He was on the brink of exploding. It was almost like the first time. The first kiss, the first taste, and the first time he completely fell into love. Falling in love for the first time—it was something that wouldn’t happen twice, and Cain treasured the memory. From that moment on he’d been hers. Now as she rode them both to the brink of pleasure he realized how lucky he was to have found her.

  He ran his hands over her hips and guided her into a faster rhythm. Her breathing became ragged the closer she came to climax. Cain moved enough so he could lick one of her nipples. She moaned as he sucked it into his mouth and nibbled on the erect bud. As her orgasm hit her he let go and allowed himself to get lost in the pleasure of her.

  “I don’t think I can move,” Belle said and leaned over him. “You may have killed me.”

  “Never baby.” He kissed her shoulder. “I’d die without you.

  Sex was only one part of his need for her. She was an innocen
t soul he was better having her by his side. His love for her was the most pure thing in his life. Before her he’d not have thought twice about digging deeper into an undercover assignment. Some might say that made him weak because he’d lost his edge. Cain knew better. He was half a person without her. He’d not had any reason to live and rushed into danger without thinking. Now he had her and he’d do anything to keep her.

  “It’s not funny to joke about it.” She bit her lip and stared into his eyes. “We should get up. The soup is probably ruined. I completely forgot about it this entire time. It’s been cooking in there…”

  “Does that mean we’re going to starve?” He laughed. “I suppose we could always fall back on those sandwiches you mentioned.”

  She wrinkled her nose up at the idea. “No. I don’t think I could eat a sandwich. Maybe some toast.” She slid off his lap and picked up his shirt and slid it over her neck. Damn she looked good in it, and it made him want to strip it off her to love her all over again. “I’ll go check on it.”

  She left him alone in the room. It took him a few moments to gain enough brain power to realize he’d let her leave the room without him. It wasn’t safe for her to be by herself. He picked up his pants and slid them on to join her in the kitchen. Perhaps after she finished eating he’d be able to talk her into another lovemaking session. They had time before the extraction team was supposed to pick them up. He definitely could get behind the idea of spending a lot of days like this one with her.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  Cain turned to see who was speaking and froze. Senator Brennan walked into the living room. He sent up a silent thanks that Belle had already left the room. The expression on his face said all he needed to know. His lips were in a firm line, and his eyebrows were furrowed with displeasure. If that wasn’t enough to make him pause the gun in his hand did the trick.