Loving an American Spy: Marsden Descendants Book Three Read online

  “I’m not sure you do.”

  “I promise you,” she began. “I understand far more than you can ever realize.” Victoria held his gaze. “This is war, and I’ve seen a lot since we last crossed paths.” It had been less than half a year since she’d met him, but it felt like a lifetime. She’d hardened a little each time she helped in surgery and there had been so much blood. Victoria didn’t think she’d ever be able to erase the sights of all she’d been privy to anytime soon. They may even haunt her the rest of her days…

  He nodded. “It’s best we don’t speak of it.” William seemed to understand. That was good.

  “I’ll keep my thoughts to myself then.” She stood and then glanced back at him one last time. “Rest. You need to heal.”

  Victoria put some distance between them. She already had strong feelings for him, and if she spent much more time with him she might fall in love, and loving a spy…that would lead to heartache. Many spies didn’t make it back home from war, and those that did, were often never the same.

  December 1915

  William pulled on his coat and buttoned it. He had someplace he needed to be, and it was a good half day’s walk until he reached his destination. He had a feeling his fellow spy companions would be doing the same. When Lord Julian Kendall had been visiting in New York, William hadn’t realized he was part of the British spy network. That would have been useful knowledge. He could have asked his friend a few pointed questions and maybe demanded he keep some distance between himself and William’s sister, Brianne. He hated the idea of his sister falling in love with someone who constantly put himself in danger.

  “Where are you going?” Julian asked.

  William lifted a brow. “Paris.”

  “Oh, really?” Asher, the Marquess of Seabrook said. “Are you pulling our proverbial legs?”

  He chuckled and answered him, “More or less… I am heading to a field hospital to pay a visit to a certain nurse I’ve come to, well, I’m not sure words exist to define what I feel for her.”

  “Ash can relate,” Julian said. “I personally don’t have a thing for nurses.” He saluted William. “Happy hunting, my friend. I’d accompany you, but I’m going to make sure this fool makes it to Paris alive. He finds himself in trouble more often than not.”

  William nodded. “If you need me…”

  “We know how to find you,” Julian answered. “Go see your nurse. It’ll be Christmas before you know it, and we wouldn’t want to waste what time we have on something as silly as war. There are far more important things.”

  William wanted to ask him then what he felt for Brianne. Did Julian love his sister? He held his questions back though. There would be time later for him to interrogate his friend. Julian was a good man, and if not for the war, he’d be happy to have him court his sister. But since it was war, he wanted Julian to keep his distance. It was selfish of him to want to spend time with Victoria but not allow Julian to have the same chance. Though he had to admit there was something almost sad about his friend of late. He didn’t seem to have the same joy inside of him that he used to. William wondered what had happened to him, but if Julian wanted him to know, he’d have already spilled his secrets.

  He didn’t stop to think about where he was going or if it might prove dangerous. William kept moving with one goal in mind: reaching Victoria.

  “Halt,” someone yelled in German. William cursed under his breath. This was his rotten luck, and of course he was wearing a French uniform. He still had at least an hour and a half until he reached the field hospital.

  He turned slowly and met the German soldier’s gaze. He had a pistol in his hand, and it was pointed directly at William. “Easy now,” he told the man. “I really don’t want to get shot today.”

  A string of German came rolling out of the man’s mouth. William’s understanding of their language was limited. Julian understood far more than he did. There was a reason William didn’t leave France much. He was better at French and Italian. He’d have to brush up on German if he hoped to make this spy thing work for him.

  “I’m afraid I understood none of that,” he told the soldier and took a step forward.

  He spewed out more sentences, but this time there was an angry tone to them. William had enough and closed the small distance between them. They struggled over the gun, and it went off with a loud boom echoing around them. That would bring more soldiers. William had to end this and move on as fast as possible. He elbowed the soldier in the gut, and he keeled over.

  The man pulled a knife out and swung it toward William, but he wasn’t fast enough. It nicked him in the side, and a sharp pain filled him. William groaned and punched him in the nose. The soldier fell to the ground, and William kicked him hard, then punched him in the face again. His eyes rolled back, and he lost consciousness. William blew out a relieved breath and ran as fast as he could away from him. The sooner he put some distance between him and the soldier the better.

  Once he felt safe enough, he slowed down and went at a slower pace. His side smarted from the wound, but he didn’t want to stop to check how bad it was. Victoria could patch him up once he arrived…

  William hastened toward the field hospital where Victoria was stationed once it came into view. It had been seven months since he’d last seen her, and he couldn’t wait to hold her in his arms. She’d been really attentive while she had been his nurse. Had even chastised him a few times for managing to get himself shot. She was wonderful, and he adored her. Victoria would not be happy with him once she realized he’d managed to get sliced with a knife.

  Sometimes he regretted getting embroiled in the war effort. Especially when his country still had not entered the war. William fully believed they would at some point, and he wanted to be in place before they did. He felt he had to do his part in making the world a safe place. William had a strong sense of duty.

  Victoria stepped out of a tent and pulled a wool cloak tighter around herself. She shivered slightly and rubbed her hands together. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a long braid that fell down the middle of her back. William moved toward her. She glanced up at his approach and frowned until recognition filled her eyes. “William?”

  She rushed over to him and hugged him tight. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  “I didn’t know until earlier today, and I wanted to surprise you.” He winched when she squeezed him tighter. The wound on his side hurt something fierce.

  “What is it?” she said, stepping back. Victoria opened his coat and stared. Blood had soaked through his linen shirt. Victoria sighed. “Why do you always come to me injured?”

  “It wasn’t planned, I assure you.” He flashed he a smile. “A German and I had a slight disagreement on my way here. He wanted me to stay, but alas, I had to insist he let me come see you. I do hope you forgive my appearance. This was not how I hoped to reunite with you.”

  “Come with me,” she ordered. “I’ll see to your wound, and you can tell me how you’ve been since your last letter.”

  They went toward the hospital tent, and she led him to one of the back rooms. She gestured for him to sit on one of the cots and pulled out the supplies to see to his injury. “Take off your coat and your shirt. I need to get a good look at the laceration.”

  “You’re not trying to get me naked, are you?” he said lightly.

  Victoria glared at him. “Trust me, that was not my intention?”

  “I didn’t mean…” He blew out a breath. “It was my lame attempt at lightening the mood.” William wasn’t handling any of this well at all. Victoria seemed a little cross with him. She poked him, and he jumped.

  “Sorry,” she said. “It doesn’t look too deep. You’re in luck; it shouldn’t need stiches. I’ll just bandage it, and then you’ll be good to go.”

  She worked in silence until the wound was covered. When she was done, she stepped away from him and washed her hands in a nearby basin. “Will you be here long?”

  Why ha
d she asked him that? “Would you like me to leave?”

  “I didn’t say that…” Victoria glanced away.

  William stood and reached for her. She went into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder. He wanted to comfort her, but he found this was exactly what he’d needed. To hold her and reassure himself she was all right. That was all he wanted. For Victoria to be safe and happy… “What can I do for you?”

  “You’re already doing it,” she said. “But perhaps I should let you finish dressing.” Victoria stared at his bloody shirt. “Do you have a different shirt to wear?”

  “No,” he said. “But it’s all right. I don’t mind having a soiled shirt for now. I can always get a new one later.” He wasn’t certain where, but that didn’t matter. William didn’t want her to worry. “Come walk with me a little.”

  “I’d like that,” she said and placed her hand in his. They stepped out of the tent and strolled toward the trees. It was cold, but he didn’t notice that. She was with him, and that made everything else disappear.

  He spent the afternoon with her, and for a little while he was happy. William was able to forget that there was a war, that he’d been injured earlier in the day, and that he’d have to leave her again soon. She gave him a reason to keep on fighting and hoping, one day, they would never be separated again.

  Chapter 3

  February 1916

  Victoria sighed as she stepped off the train. Finally, she was in Paris. She’d had enough of field hospitals for a lifetime. She didn’t know what to expect at the Paris hospital, but at least she wouldn’t be forced to constantly walk through mud. That had to be an improvement. Not that it had been warm enough for mud lately… The memory of it still lingered in her mind. She’d started to really hate anything resembling the mix of dirt and water.

  She stepped onto the platform. It was a miracle the Germans hadn’t destroyed the railroads completely yet. She expected, at some point, travel by train would become impossible. At least she hadn’t been forced to walk the entire way to Paris.

  She reached into her pocket and pulled out a stack of letters. Perhaps she shouldn’t have saved them, but they were all she had of William. Their letters were few and far between. He wasn’t always in a place she could send him one in return, but he sent her several. Victoria feared for him, and her heart broke that she wasn’t sure when she’d ever see him. Her hand shook as she shoved them back into her pocket. She was tempted to open them and read his words again, but now wasn’t the time.

  It wouldn’t be the first time or probably the last that she lost herself in his letters. It was a bad habit she had to break somehow. With them properly stored away, she turned her attention back to the train station. She had to make her way to the hospital and stop thinking about things she couldn’t change.

  Her trunk that she’d traveled with a year ago had been replaced. Her belongings had dwindled down, and she only had enough to fill the small valise she carried by her side. All her uniforms had become threadbare, and she had three left that remained serviceable. She hoped she could find someone able to make new ones. Victoria started moving toward the exit, suddenly in a hurry to leave her past behind her.

  She somehow managed to find her way to the hospital and went inside. No one stopped her or asked her why she was there. Everyone seemed to have some place they needed to rush off to. Victoria held up her hand in an attempt to get one of the nurse’s attention, but they ignored her. She sighed and moved into the main part of the hospital. They seemed to be at full capacity. Soldiers filled all the beds in the infirmary, and they were being attended to by the staff.

  A woman came over to her. She had auburn hair pulled back into a severe chignon. Her eyes crinkled at the sides as if she were fighting exhaustion. “Can I help you?” she asked.

  “I’m Victoria Grant,” she said. “I’ve been assigned to this hospital.”

  The woman sighed in relief. “Thank God. You couldn’t have arrived at a better time. We’re all working ourselves ragged trying to see to the wounded.” She gestured to the full hospital. “Most of them are new patients, but they’ve all been seen by the doctor, and it’s up to us to make sure they’re taken care of.” She flashed her a wavering smile. “I’m Catherine Langdon. Come, I’ll show you to your room, and if you don’t mind, we could really use you immediately.”

  “It’s what I’m here for,” Victoria replied. “I’d rather feel useful than sit idly by and watch everyone work. Show me where to put my bag, and I can start taking care of soldiers immediately.” It was what she did, after all… This was where she belonged. Where she was needed… She wouldn’t lose herself in thoughts of a man she might never have a real relationship with.

  April 1916

  Victoria had settled in to the Paris hospital without any issues. She appreciated the warmth and the lack of dirt she’d often experienced in the field hospitals. She had especially started to take a liking to Catherine Langdon’s cat, Merlin. Though she’d never tell the other woman that. She fully believed an animal should not have free reign in the hospital. There was just something about that cat though… It was a black fluff-ball that even seemed to have a silver beard like the legendary Merlin himself. The silver fur around his front made him appear majestic. It was an interesting combination to have so much silver fur against the black. Maybe he was Merlin himself…

  Victoria didn’t want to speculate. Even his owner, Catherine, was a little odd. She said the strangest things to her at times. Almost as if she could predict the future… A part of her wanted to ask her outright if she could, but Victoria was afraid to. She didn’t really want to know what her future held.

  Today was a light day. The hospital was managed well, and they had released several patients. Victoria had some time to herself for the first time in…well, she couldn’t recall the last time. So she decided to walk around Paris while it was quiet and enjoy the warm spring day. There might not be too many other days like this one. She couldn’t help wondering what William was doing. Was he taking time to enjoy his day too?

  “Victoria,” a man yelled her name. She turned and found William walking toward her. He was in plain clothes—a suit a gentleman might wear, and it looked good on him. He was becoming a bit of a chameleon.

  “Hello,” she said a little breathlessly. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and make sure he was real. That she hadn’t imagined she’d seen him walking around Paris. Had she conjured him by thinking of him earlier? Of course not… That was a silly thing to believe. “What are you doing in Paris?”

  “I have a colleague who comes here often. We’re to meet soon.” He smiled at her. “But finding you here is a boon I didn’t expect.”

  “Um, yes,” she said noncommittally. Victoria wanted to be happy to see him, and a part of her was, but she couldn’t help worrying about what their future, if they even had one, might entail. He was still a spy. She shoved her hand back in her pocket and slid her fingers across the letters. Her heart would never truly let go of him, and she was all the more a fool for it. She had foolishly fallen for him while they’d become more and more acquainted. “I’m glad to see you’re all right.” She nodded at him and then turned to walk away. It was the hardest thing she ever did.

  He reached out and placed a hand on her arm. “Don’t go.”

  “I wish I could stay, but the hospital is expecting me.” She couldn’t look at him or she’d never be able to walk away. He didn’t know that she was lying. The hospital would be fine without her for a little while longer, but she couldn’t stay near him. She wouldn’t be able to resist him for long. “Perhaps we can meet again later.”

  He frowned. “You’ll be here at the hospital working? No more field work?”

  She’d been sent from one field hospital to the next. They had all started to blend together, and her mind had numbed to the carnage she’d witnessed. The one thing that ever made her feel anything was William. “I’ve been here a month. It’s rough in the field,” she admitted
. “I needed a change.”

  “I’m not sure there is any good place to be in this war. But it might be a little safer here in Paris. If I write again, will you write back?”

  She wanted to say yes. So, so much… “I’m not sure that is a good idea.” Victoria had to try to protect her heart. She couldn’t keep getting drawn into this with him. One scare she’d been able to brush away, but two… That was enough to make her realize that if she truly lost him she wouldn’t survive it. The knife wound had been minor, but it had scared her senseless. No amount of letters would make her ready to face that ever again. It was better to let go now before she was in too deep. She closed her eyes and swallowed. She felt so much for this man she couldn’t even begin to understand it. “Besides, you’re rarely somewhere a letter can reach.”

  “I know,” he said softly. “But I don’t want to lose this connection…”

  It would be difficult at first. To realize there would be no more letters from him or they wouldn’t have any more meetings like this one. She adored him. It hurt her deep inside to have to do this. To end things… It was for the best for both of them. This war took a toll on them both in different ways. If they had a chance of surviving, they needed to keep their minds on the job they’d undertaken. His was far more dangerous than hers. He could die if he made a mistake. Others might die if she did… She was doing this for both of them. Perhaps after the war ended they might find each other again, but she wouldn’t hold on to that hope.

  “You already have,” she said firmly. It was harsh, but she had to make a clean break. If only she could be strong enough to burn his letters too. They couldn’t keep this unexpected relationship between them going. It was leading them nowhere. “Please leave me alone.”