There You'll Be (Begin Again Book 1) Read online

  She pinched her lips together in displeasure. Her hands rested on her hips as she tapped her foot. “I don’t have time for your shenanigans today. I have a lot to do and I want this over with.”

  On that point Phil couldn’t agree more. He didn’t bother to reply to her, just headed into the court room and took a seat at his side of the room. He glanced over as Addison did the same. There was a time he’d never have imagined he’d be where he was at that moment. About to end his marriage to the woman he had believed he’d loved more than anything in the world. And he had when he married her, but he hadn’t known her like he believed he had. Everything changed after the wedding and, in truth, their marriage had been all but over years ago. They’d stopped truly living as husband and wife almost immediately. He couldn’t even remember the last time they’d made love. They should have divorced a long time ago. It had seemed easier and less embarrassing to pretend it was as perfect as everyone believed.

  Until it hadn’t...

  He hadn’t counted on falling in love with Carly. It had happened slowly until one day he opened his eyes and realized how much she meant to him. Carly didn’t hold anything back. She was as real as any person could be. There wasn’t a person alive he trusted more than her. But he couldn’t act on those feelings. What right did he have to her when he wasn’t truly free to love her? So he asked Addison for a divorce. It had been easy enough to give her a reason why. She’d been eager to end their farce and hadn’t questioned him too much. His soon to be ex-wife didn’t need to know that he’d fallen in love with his partner. That was his secret for now and when the time was right he’d tell Carly. For now, he’d settle with finally bringing his marriage to a close.

  CARLY PACED HER OFFICE frustrated at her impatience. Phil had left her a message letting her know he’d fed Spike and would be late returning. She needed him back and didn’t understand what was so important he had to make a pit stop for it. She glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed for the hundredth time. Damn it.

  She walked over to her desk and grabbed her phone and listened to his message again. “Carly, Spike’s eating like a champ. Be back later, something I have to do. Don’t work too hard.” As if she needed to be reminded of something so silly.

  There were no clues in the message indicating where he was going or what was so damned important. How was she going to get anything done if she kept pacing her office worrying about him? Sometimes loving another person just plain sucked. She slammed her phone on her desk and cringed. That was a little too hard—she picked it up and made sure she hadn’t cracked the screen. There didn’t appear to be any damage...

  A knock echoed through the room and she turned at the sound. Phil stood in the doorway looking as right as could be. No, that wasn’t entirely true. There was a little strain around his mouth. He’d tried to hide it but the muscles in his cheek twitched and there was a slight wrinkle in his forehead.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked immediately.

  “Nothing you need to worry about,” he replied. “Checking in with you to see how the meeting went.”

  “It didn’t,” she said. “They’re all a bunch of bureaucratic assholes.”

  She’d wanted to keep Logan’s case open a little bit longer. The leads weren’t there to argue it though and, in the end, they’d told her to add it to the cold-case files. It wasn’t officially closed, but it was no longer a priority. She hated that she hadn’t found the person responsible for Logan’s death.

  “I’m sure you’ll find the answers you need someday.”

  “But not today. Blah blah blah,” she said as she waved her hand in the air. “I don’t need to hear it from you too.”

  God she hated when people were condescending to her. As if being female made her more prone to melodrama. She was capable of making sound decisions and didn’t fly off on tangents for no apparent reason. Something about Logan’s case wasn’t right... She’d figure it out eventually. In the meantime, she could harass Phil a little bit.

  “Now tell me what is really going on with you. What was so important you had to take a sabbatical for the afternoon?”

  “I believe I said it isn’t anything you have to worry over. It didn’t require your assistance.” His lips formed a thin white line.

  My, my, someone is a bit testy... She narrowed her eyes and said, “Now I have to know.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t push,” he said. “I don’t particularly want to discuss it.”

  Carly frowned. What could have possibly happened that had him so upset. She didn’t like it one bit. Phil was usually more—congenial. He wanted to help others and didn’t do anything outright mean. He was no nonsense and she loved him for it, or maybe it was in spite of it. She wasn’t entirely sure but that didn’t matter. What did was his apparent distress. Phil never was like that.

  “Maybe you would be better if you went home. Talk to Addison if you can’t talk to me.” It irritated her to say that. She wanted him to confide in her. “If you’re going to be so crabby—you’re no use to me.”

  “I am not talking with Addison about a damn thing,” he grunted out. “She’s the last person I want to see right now.”

  Carly paused and stared at him. What the hell was that about? Was there trouble in paradise? Was it sad that actually made her happy? She shouldn’t wish any kind of distress in his marriage, but she didn’t like Addison. She’d tried to like her, truly she had. Addison was just—not friendly. It boggled her mind that two people as different as Phil and Addison had married in the first place.

  “Are you and Addison fighting?” she asked gently, regret pooling in her gut as if she had eaten something rotten. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have needled you.”

  “It’s not that...” Phil stepped back and brought his hand to his mouth. He turned his back to her and bowed his head.

  What wasn’t she getting? None of it made sense. There hadn’t ever been a time that Phil couldn’t or wouldn’t tell her something. Hell, he knew all of her secrets—save one. Maybe one day she’d tell him that she loved him, but now was not that time.

  He didn’t bother to face her as he spoke, “If you want to know where I was...”

  “Only if you want to tell me,” Carly interrupted. “It’s none of my business if it was something personal.”

  He glanced over his shoulder and glared. “Will you let me get a word in?”

  “I’m sorry,” she replied remorsefully. “Please continue.”

  “I was in court.” He sighed and turned fully around and met her gaze. “I finalized my divorce today.”

  She could not have heard him correctly. “Say what?”

  Carly hadn’t even realized there was any sort of discord in his relationship with Addison. Why in the hell would they have gotten a divorce? What had she missed?

  “My marriage has been over for a while,” Phil said without an ounce of emotion. “Despite appearances to the contrary.”

  That was...amazing. Leaping for joy was probably a very bad idea. She shouldn’t be happy, but oh God was she. But for now she’d be the good friend and say the right things. “I’m sorry, so so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?”

  He shook his head. “I’m fine. Like I said, it’s been over for a while.”

  With those words, he spun on his heels and stormed out of her office. He had left her with a lot to think about. The question was, what would her next move be?

  CHAPTER TWO

  Carly ambled up the steps to her condominium a little too leisurely. Exhaustion was on the brink of setting in and she wanted to be settled inside her apartment before it overtook her, but she lacked the motivation to quicken her pace. When she finally reached her door, it was wide open. Adrenaline pumped through her quickly and she immediately went on high alert. She reached for her gun holster and unlatched it so she would have easier access if needed.

  She remained as quiet as possible and kept her gaze peeled for any sudden movements. As she made progress through her home, s
he took note of everything and filed it in her mind to revisit later. The entire living area was total chaos. Her coffee table was overturned and her television lay on the floor with a smashed screen. Whoever had trashed her place had not been a thief. They had been searching for something, but she wasn’t sure what. Who would have come into her home and turned it upside down? Then terror settled into her heart causing it to beat at a rapid pace.

  Where was Spike?

  Up until the moment she remembered the dog she’d been calm. Now worry swirled through her as she frantically searched for him. Where could he be? Did the intruder take him? Why would he do that? Panic filled her as she realized Spike was missing. She reached for her phone and called Phil.

  He answered after one ring. “I don’t want to discuss...”

  “Shut up,” Carly said. “I need you.” Her voice shook as she spoke those words. She couldn’t get anything else out. After Logan died, Spike was all she’d had to hold onto and now he was missing. She’d failed Spike in the same way she’d done with Logan. At the rate she was going no one would be safe around her. She fell to the ground and gave into tears she’d been holding in for over a year. Not once at Logan’s memorial service had she given into her misery and through everything she had remained strong. Now with Spike missing it reared its ugly head and overtook her.

  She was still in the same place when Phil came rushing through her front door. He kneeled down beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Shh,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

  Carly wrapped her arms around him and let everything out. She laid her head on his shoulder and ugly cried. Sniffles overtook her and bless Phil for allowing her to mess up his fine shirt. After what seemed like forever she glanced up at him with a wobbly smile. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You’ve had a bad day; you didn’t need to deal with me.”

  “Now that you’re coherent, how about you tell me what the fuck is going on,” he ground out. “I didn’t miss the condition of your place as I walked in.”

  Of course he’d thought of her first and the condo second. That was the type of person he was. He put other people first and that would not change because he was sad. “I don’t know,” she told him. “This is how I found things when I returned home. Nothing was amiss when you were here earlier?”

  He shook his head. “Spike seemed a little depressed, but other than that things were fine. They were certainly not like this. I’d not have left it alone and I’d have told you immediately.”

  Wait a minute. “What do you mean? Spike was fine when I left this morning.” She didn’t really care about her things. Her dog was way more important. If she felt she needed to she could buy a new television. It wasn’t as if she had much time to watch the damn thing.

  “He wasn’t his usual self. I thought perhaps he’d sensed my mood...” He frowned. “I had to coax him to eat. Now that I think about it, I should’ve let you know about that.”

  What could have made Spike react like that? He was usually friendly and eager to see the people who took care of him. That was usually either her or Phil. They had become Spike’s family after Logan’s death. Carly glanced up and smiled at Phil. “Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s been a stressful day all around, and you have a good excuse for being distracted.”

  She didn’t have to like it, but he went through something tough earlier. It could not have been easy to put an end to his marriage. Even if he’d believed it had truly been over a long time ago.

  “Where is Spike now?”

  Carly shook her head. “I don’t know. That’s why I broke down.”

  He nodded. “I understand. Do you want me to look around outside to see if he is nearby?”

  Why hadn’t she thought to do that? He could be in the neighborhood wandering around. All she had done was fall into a heap of misery and given into the selfishness residing inside of her. Without Spike, she didn’t have much to look forward to when she came home. He was the reason she had not given up and kept moving forward. It was hard to not give in to the loneliness that had become a permanent part of her life.

  Carly wiped her face with her hands and nodded. “Could you please? I’ll call the locals and have them come make a report.”

  “I’ll be back soon,” Phil said as he headed toward the open door. He paused and turned to glance back at her. “Will you be all right while I’m gone?”

  If she were being honest, she didn’t know if she’d ever be all right again. Her whole world was off balance. She kept her gaze steady as she stared at Phil. There were possibilities that had not been there before. The question was, would she be brave enough to reach out and take a chance? Phil could be hers one day if she remained patient enough and gave him time to heal. Would he even want her? There were so many questions and not enough answers. First though she had to find her dog and figure out what was going on with the mess in her condo. The rest could wait for another day.

  “I’ll be fine,” she said reassuringly. “Go look for Spike.”

  Phil turned and left. Carly made the phone call to the local police and sat down to wait for them. It was going to be an even longer night than she’d planned.

  WHERE COULD SPIKE HAVE gone? Phil didn’t want to entertain the idea that whoever had broken into Carly’s place had taken him. Spike might be retired but he was a well-trained dog. He would have attempted to attack anyone who entered the condominium and trashed it. There must be a reason he was no longer around.

  When he’d arrived at Carly’s place and saw it trashed his heart had about leapt out of his chest. He had immediately scanned for her thinking the worst. After he located her on the floor crying his concern increased a thousand fold and his heart broke into a million tiny shards. He hadn’t even thought about the dog at first. Carly was always his main concern and comforting her was his priority. Everything else would always take a back burner to what she needed. When the time was right, he would tell her he loved her and wanted a chance. He only prayed she did not think he was ridiculous when he laid it all out to her. That could wait for a better day. There were bigger things that they had to deal with. First, he had to find Spike and take him back to Carly. The rest would sort itself out when it was supposed to.

  “Spike,” he yelled. Phil wasn’t sure if he’d come if he called or not but he had to try something. Silence greeted him in response. It had been a long shot either way.

  He turned the corner and headed toward a nearby park. Carly took the dog there as often as she could. It was one of Spike’s favorite places. Phil walked through the park at a brisk pace and whistled. Dark was starting to settle in and the streetlights buzzed on illuminating a path for him. Even with the added brightness, he had trouble scanning his surroundings.

  “Spike,” he yelled again hoping this time he’d get a response. Nothing happened and he was starting to get discouraged. Phil was about to give up when he caught movement in the distance. A golden retriever was running toward him. Spike was heading straight for him at full speed. When the dog reached him he leapt up and knocked Phil to the ground. “Easy now,” Phil laughed as the dog licked his face. “It’s good to see you too.”

  Carly would be glad to know the dog was safe. There were still a lot of unanswered questions though. Like who the hell broke into the condo and why had Spike run out? “Come on boy,” Phil said. “Let’s go home. Carly is worried about you.”

  It was so easy to talk to a dog. They did not judge and showed affection with ease. If only it was that simple with people. His life would be a lot less difficult if he could approach it the way Spike did. They headed back to the condominium side by side. Spike did not need a leash; he just knew what he was supposed to do. They still used one on him when they normally went out to put others at ease though. Spike ran ahead of Phil and leapt up the steps toward Carly’s place. Phil wasn’t far behind him. They entered to find a local police officer taking notes and another taking several pictures.

  “What did I miss?” he asked Carly. Her eyes seemed to bri
ghten when she saw Spike by his side.

  “You found him,” she exclaimed as she knelt down to hug the dog. “Thank you so much. I owe you.”

  He frowned. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  Carly kissed Spike’s head and hugged him again. Phil was starting to become jealous of the dog. If only she’d greeted him as enthusiastically.

  “You found Spike,” Carly said as she still held onto the dog. “There is nothing ridiculous in how I feel about that. I am so happy he is all right. I can’t thank you enough.”

  Phil was right on the edge of begging her to love him. How pathetic was he? He was barely hanging on to his dignity. Instead of declaring his feelings, he focused on something else. “It’s not safe here.”

  Carly stood up and met his gaze. “Because someone broke in and trashed the place?” She rolled her eyes. “I’m capable of taking care of myself. If someone is stupid enough to break in while I’m here they will regret it immediately.”

  Phil opened his mouth to argue with her and closed it immediately. He had to play this smart or she would dig in her heels. If he called her stupid or incapable in any way, she would be even more stubborn. Where he was standing there was only one solution to the problem—emotional blackmail.

  “Carly, please have mercy on me.”

  She narrowed her gaze at him and frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s been a really long and miserable day,” he said gravely. “Please don’t argue with me about this. I realize you’re a highly trained agent and quite capable of taking care of yourself, but I’d still worry about you all night. I’d like to relax knowing you’re safe and not in a place that is so trashed you can’t even see the floor.” He met her gaze and said as easily as he could muster, “Come stay at my place for the night and I’ll come back here tomorrow to clean up the mess. You’d be doing me a favor.”