Always My Viscount Page 5

  At least he had pants... How was she to stare at his bare chest and not touch him though? It had taken everything inside of her to keep her hands at her side in the cabin. Once he was free and roaming the ship... She’d probably find a lot of reasons to touch him. She ached to do it as it was. Why hadn’t they thought to find him a damn shirt? There had to be an extra one somewhere on board.

  “It’s fine,” she reassured him. “When we dock and unload, I’ll see if I can locate a new shirt for him.” It would have to do to see him home... “Is there anything else?”

  “No, sir,” he said. “If you need anything, I’ll be below. His smalls and trousers should be dry by the time we reach Sheerness.”

  “Good.” She smiled. “Bring them by before we reach the cove.”

  “If that’s all, the men are waiting for me.”

  “Still determined to lose all of your earnings?” Some of the crew were teaching him how to play whist. Probably not a good thing to learn, but boys would be boys even when they grew up. She couldn’t prevent it, and it wasn’t her place to do so.

  “I don’t always lose.” He bobbed his head then ran off.

  She shook her head and laughed as he disappeared. Staring at empty space wasn’t going to help her. She was avoiding what she had to do. Talking to Donovan scared her a little. She wasn’t entirely certain how to react around him. She needed something, a reason, or even a distraction to help her be in the same room with him. An idea sparked, and she went to grab a bowl. She filled it with water and headed to the cabin.

  “Took you long enough,” he greeted her. “I trust it went well, or we’d be dead or worse.”

  “What could possibly be worse?” She lifted a brow.

  “Prison. I think I’d rather be dead.”

  “How perfectly gruesome...”

  Though a part of her agreed. She didn’t know what prison would be like for a lady, but she suspected it was horrid. Death might be a better option. Either way, she had no desire to find out.

  “What do you have there?”

  “I thought you’d like a shave.” She set the bowl of water down on a nearby table and then grabbed a couple towels from underneath it. She placed one on her arm, and the other around the base of his neck. They’d left it there after his bath. She’d noticed it earlier when she’d been talking with him. “You’re rather scruffy.”

  “Are you going to untie me so I can shave myself.” He frowned. “I admit I’m not skilled at it. I let my valet have that honor.”

  She smiled a little manically. “Then you’ll find it acceptable I do it for you.” She pulled her dagger out to use in place of a razorblade and rolled it over her fingers. It was sharp enough and it would easily scrape away his whiskers. “Are you ready?”

  He swallowed hard. “You mean to use that thing on me?” His eyes widened. “I’ll pass. A shave can wait until I return home.”

  “Are you scared?” she teased. “I understand if you are.”

  “I’m not afraid of anything,” he shot back.

  “Good,” she said, then moved the chair closer to the bed so she could do a proper job of it. Amusement flooded her as she finished her preparations. “Lean your head back so I can do your neck first.”

  “Please don’t slit it,” he replied. “I promise to be a good prisoner.”

  She ignored that remark and started to scrape the stubble off of his neck. The dagger did a fine job of removing the tiny hairs from his neck. He remained perfectly still as she worked. This was what she needed. Him immobile and unable to reply as she held a blade to his throat—all for a good cause. He did need a shave... “Do you remember when we met?”

  He stared at her but remained mute. That didn’t surprise her. He didn’t want her to cut him. She didn’t blame him. That was why she’d decided on the excuse of shaving him, after all. This was her time to explain herself and allow him the opportunity to listen to it unencumbered.

  “One look, and I was frozen. It was an immediate thing. I held my breath for a moment, and nothing else existed except for you and me.” She slid the blade across his throat. “It was then I knew. It was instant and undeniable.” She wiped the blade on the towel.

  “What was?”

  Ah, he had a moment where he could speak and snatched it. That was her Donovan. He couldn’t stay quiet for long. It was part of what she’d grown to love about him.

  “From the very beginning, I knew I’d found a home for my heart,” she said softly. “You stood there, all alone, and all of sudden every doubt I had melted away. We took a step closer, one by one, until we were standing in front of each other. I’ll never experience anything like it ever again.”

  She scraped away some more stubble from his chin and worked the blade down his cheek. Soon he’d be completely shaven. It was probably the crudest shave he’d ever received, but that part couldn’t be helped. With the bath and now the shave, he was almost presentable.

  “It was surreal,” she said softly. “It made me believe that sometimes fairytales could come true. Maybe I wasn’t destined to live a lonely life controlled by my evil stepfather.” She finished the shave and cleaned the blade. Then she dipped the towel into the water and wiped his face and around him. “That is until that same evil stepfather stepped in and proved me wrong. I wasn’t allowed to hope or fall in love. It was up to him what I could or could not do, and if I didn’t end things with you he would do it for me, but you’d pay the price. I couldn’t allow that to happen.”

  He remained quiet. She had expected him to have an outburst of some sort, but he didn’t. Donovan always did march to the beat of his own drum. Expecting anything from him was futile.

  “So back to our wedding,” he said. “We never had one. Why did the French captain believe you were my wife?”

  After all that, he came full circle back to their earlier conversation. He didn’t want to know what the duke had done or threatened to do. She was confused...but never more than when he was suddenly free and pulling her underneath him on the bed.

  “Caught you,” he said and pressed his lips to hers.

  Oh, yes, he did—and she reveled in the feel of being in his arms. This was what she wanted and couldn’t bring herself to ask. She’d died a little every day without him. For the first time in a long time she felt alive. All he had to do was keep kissing her and maybe she’d finally have his love again.

  A girl could wish...and sometimes it might even come true.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Now that he had her where he wanted her—where should he start first? Her pretty pink lips or her lusciously plump bosom? There was so much he wanted to explore, to taste, and outright savor. But first he had to make sure she wanted this. Donovan didn’t take advantage of women, especially this one. She meant too much to him to mess things up more than they already were. He wanted a chance, and he’d do anything to make that happen.

  “Now that I have you where I want you.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “How about you answer some of those questions you keep evading.”

  “I told you everything...” Her tongue darted out, and she wet her lips with it. “There isn’t anything left to tell.”

  “You mean all that nonsense about the Duke of Wolfton?” Donovan slid one of his hands down her side and rested against the curve of her hip. “Do you actually believe I’m afraid of him?”

  She swallowed hard. Donovan continued to caress her. He leaned down and kissed each of her cheeks quickly, her forehead, then finally on her lips. A chaste kiss, but a taste of what he’d been craving. They’d get to all of that later—much later. They had a lot of things to settle first. “

  “He’s powerful,” she said breathlessly. “He promised to ruin you.”

  Donovan chuckled lightly. “He could’ve tried, but I have powerful friends too. It wouldn’t have happened.”

  Damn that bastard for interfering. What did he hope to gain keeping Estella under his control? Why would he have prevented her from marrying him? Now t
hat he understood why she’d pushed him away, he could take steps to correct her erroneous assumptions. A duke was powerful, but even they had limits.

  “You can’t know that,” she insisted. “I couldn’t take the risk. You mean too much to me.”

  “You cared so much you pushed me out of your life,” he replied. “How noble of you. It would have been far better if you’d shared your concerns with me and allowed me to make that decision for myself.” He moved his hand upward and caressed her cheek. “I loved you, and I’d have done anything to be with you. You might think that was reckless, but I choose to believe of it as standing up for the person you love beyond all reason. Your decision was cowardly and selfish. There was no one to face down, and we lost years when we could’ve been together.”

  “Cowardly,” she spat out. “Do you have any idea what I’ve had to do to survive?”

  “I have an idea from this little escapade of yours,” he said softly. “But don’t you understand? All of it was unnecessary. You didn’t have to become a smuggler and become a cynical captain. We could’ve loved each other. I could have done this every night and morning. Loving you and having the pleasure holding you all the time—nothing would have made me happier.” He kissed her lips again and again until she was even more breathless. “I could have made love to you a thousand times or more. We might even have a child or two by now. You denied us that happiness with your arbitrary decision.”

  A tear fell from the corner of her eye. “I know.” He leaned down and kissed her tears away. Tenderness filled him, and he had a deep need to protect her, to make her happy, anything that would make her stop crying. He’d give it to her. He’d rip the stars out of the sky and lay them at her feet. He hated seeing her in any kind of pain. It killed him that he’d caused it in any way.

  “Don’t cry,” he coaxed. “We can start anew. Have that life we’ve been denied.”

  “How can we?” she asked. “There’s so much pain between us. Is it even possible to set that aside and move on?”

  “It is if you’re willing,” he replied hoarsely. “It’s far better than the half-life I’ve been living for the past three years. I want you. I always have.”

  “What about love?” She glanced up at him, hope filling her eyes. “Do you think you can ever feel that for me again?”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” he said softly. “I can’t do that.”

  “I see,” she said and tried to push him off.

  He held her in place. There was something she had to understand if they had any chance at a future. She would need to learn to trust him, to have faith in their love. If she believed he could have possibly stopped loving her...what kind of relationship would they have in the future? This was too important for him to let go easily. She would continue to make bad decisions, even with the best of intentions, if she didn’t fully commit to a proper marriage with him. Not just the normal wedding vows to love, honor and cherish—he’d do those naturally. They had to have an unbreakable bond.

  “Darling,” he cajoled. “Stop fighting me so I can explain.”

  “What is there to explain?” she responded. “You don’t love me and can’t find it in yourself to do so ever again.”

  “But you’re wrong,” he said with a chuckle. “You really must stop jumping to these mistaken conclusions.”

  She stopped and glanced up at him. Finally, she was paying attention. He’d have to talk fast to make sure she stayed with him. “If you had let me continue, I’d have told you I can’t love you again because I never stopped. But love, if we’re to move forward, we need a set of rules. Otherwise, we’ll have more preventable disagreements in the future.”

  She lifted a brow. “Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much? Wouldn’t you rather be kissing me?”

  “Soon, I promise. But this is far too important.”

  Estella sighed. “All right then,” she said resigned. “Let’s have at it.”

  Donovan rolled them both to their sides. He wanted this conversation to be as equals and nothing less. She would understand at the end that he’d always include her, and he expected the same of her. Any important decisions must be made by both of them.

  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. To hold you in my arms as we fall asleep at night, and wake up to find you still there.” He kissed her again. He’d never tire of that. “But we can’t have that without trust and communication. I want you to promise me that you’ll come to me with anything, no matter how small. We need to be one in all ways and make decisions together. It might seem silly, but in light of what has kept us separated, we need to learn how to depend on one another. I don’t want any more misunderstandings to separate us ever again.”

  She remained silent for several heartbeats. Donovan started to think he’d pushed her too far and was about to recant some of what he said, but thought against it. No, they needed this if they were to move forward. He wasn’t asking anything of her that he wasn’t willing to do himself. He’d wasted so much time mourning her loss that he’d forgotten to live. He could have handled things better and hadn’t. He was as much at fault as she was. This was their chance to do better and be better.

  “All right,” she agreed. “From this moment on, I promise to talk to you about everything and any decision, no matter how small, I’ll include you in on it.”

  “Good,” he said. “Now here’s the first one—and it’s a big one.”

  “Oh?” She lifted a brow. “Does it have to do with that thing poking my stomach.”

  His cock had come to attention when she wiggled beneath him. He had ignored it as best he could but it wanted to play a little with her. Hell, he wanted to push it inside her warm heat and ride her until they both were screaming with pleasure. He would not do that though. At least not yet.

  “We’ll get to that a little later,” he reassured her. “This is about what we do next.”

  “Still think that has to do....” She shrugged a little sheepishly. “With you know.”

  He chuckled, then said, “You blush rather prettily.”

  “Donovan,” she groaned his name. “This is rather embarrassing.”

  “What happens between a man and woman is perfectly natural,” he reassured her. “When you’re ready we’ll explore that side, but not a moment before. So relax.”

  He didn’t want her to think he was an ogre and demand she lay with him before she fully wanted to. Even once they were married, he wouldn’t force the issue. He wanted her to be comfortable with him. Some women found the idea of the marriage bed terrifying. He wanted Estella to enjoy it, and for that, she had to set aside any fears she had.

  “What if I want that now.”

  He lifted a brow in shock. “Are you certain. Because once we start...”

  “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

  He fully intended to marry her. For that reason, he didn’t mind making love to her immediately—in the end, it would all work out as it was supposed to. He wanted to make sure she was all right with it, and she appeared to be.

  “In that case,” he said humorously. “One of us is a little overdressed for that activity, and it’s not me.”

  “Then let me rectify that.” She slid out of his arms and off the bed. First she sat in the chair and slowly unlaced her boots, then yanked them off. She stood and untied the belt around her tunic holding her rapier in place, setting it on a nearby table. She pushed her trousers down and toed them aside. She stood before him in a tunic that barely covered her ass. His breath caught in his throat. He wanted to order her to remove it so he could see her breasts, but let her run the show. This was all about her and what she needed. He could make demands later when they were more comfortable together, yet he found himself saying, “Untie your hair.”

  She smiled coyly and did as he requested. Slowly she, unwound the plaits and let her strawberry-blond waves fall over her shoulders. She sashayed over to the bed, the tunic mostly covering her. He could work with that for now. He’d kiss her senseless a
nd then push it over her head. She’d be so lost in passion she’d forget to be embarrassed. He couldn’t wait to taste her.

  “Come here,” he patted the bed.

  She crawled in beside him. He lifted her until her legs were on either side of him, and set her down over the bedsheet. There was still a barrier between them and would remain so until she was completely ready for him.

  “Is this—customary?”

  “Perfectly so,” he assured her. “Lean down and kiss me.”

  She did as he asked and pressed her lips to his. He wound his arms around her and pulled her close. He pushed his tongue out and licked her lips until she opened her mouth. Then he slid it inside her hot mouth and tasted her in a way he’d been imagining for a long time. Their tongues dueled for control, and they became lost to the passion. She kissed him back with an abandon he’d only dreamed of, and he wound his fingers though her hair, holding her against him.

  “Give me love,” he begged. “Give me all of you.”

  “Yes.” She moaned. “Please.”

  He pushed his hand up her shirt and caressed her breast. He had to taste her sweetness. He sat up, readjusting their position. Then he lifted her shirt up to expose her lovely breasts, then pushed it over her head, tossing it to the floor. He sucked one of those nipples into his mouth. Her moans echoed through the room, and she wiggled delightfully over his hard cock. He had to be inside of her soon, but only when she was fully prepared. He lowered one of his hands and rubbed her sensitive nub between her thighs. She moaned even louder and rocked against his finger. He pressed his thumb against her clit and then pushed a finger inside of her heat. She was so wet and close to being ready for him. He had to give her a release first. Then he could push his aching cock into her tight sheathe.

  “That’s it,” he coaxed as he massaged her with his thumb and stroked his finger inside her. She started to move on her own, each breath becoming more ragged until she shattered in his arms. He lowered her to the side of the bed and pulled the sheet back, positioning himself between her thighs. “Are you ready?”