Forever My Earl Page 5

  “Well done Miss Knight,” he said with a laugh.

  “Not good enough,” she said and propelled forward. He wasn’t prepared for it and the tip of her blade hit his shoulder. “Point,” she said.

  “What the hell is going on here?” Garrick’s voice boomed through the room.

  “Oh dear,” Lord Warwick flipped off his mask and said playfully. “I do believe we’ve been caught my dear.”

  Hannah lifted her own mask and turned to meet Garrick’s gaze. His face was bright red and the look he was giving Lord Warwick was quite murderous. He held his hands at his side in tight fists. She couldn’t understand how Lord Warwick could take it so lightly. Garrick looked ready to pummel him...

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Garrick had never wanted to punch his friend more than he did in that moment. How could he be so reckless? What had they both been thinking? The answer was rather obvious—they hadn’t been. Hannah was still healing from the accident and Warwick should have known better. Fencing with a woman? How preposterous!

  “I’m sorry,” Hannah said. “Were you hoping to fence?”

  He opened his mouth and started to answer her. No words came out. Somehow he’d managed to fall into hell and hadn’t realized it. That was the only explanation that made sense. Garrick closed his eyes and breathed in slowly, then exhaled.

  “I think you’ve rendered him mute,” Warwick said. “Never thought I’d see the day that happened—well done Miss Knight.”

  “Thank You” she replied. “I think.”

  “Oh it’s a compliment,” Warwick told her. “Don’t doubt my sincerity.”

  “Be quiet,” Garrick snapped.

  “Are you doing all right Manchester?” He shook his head. “It’s going to be a while before that becomes easy to say.”

  What did he do to deserve this? It was as if he was on a ship that was sinking fast. “Please,” Garrick said. “explain to me why the two of you were fencing.”

  “I believe I won,” Hannah replied. “Although Lord Warwick was a fair opponent. It’s been a while since I felt anything so exhilarating.”

  “I’m only as good as the person I’m fighting against. You must have had a wonderful instructor.” Hannah beamed under Warwick’s praise. It ate away at Garrick to see her lighting up with each word his friend spoke.

  Wait. She’d fenced before? When? More importantly who had foolishly allowed her to learn how? Fencing could be dangerous and he hated the idea she could possibly be hurt in anyway.

  “I’m still awaiting your explanation.” Garrick pinched the bridge of his nose. “You two are driving me mad.”

  They both turned to stare at him as if he’d grown two heads. He wasn’t the one participating in a fencing match that was downright scandalous. Ladies didn’t fence. He looked at Hannah and noticed her garments for the first time. She wore the traditional padded vest but her skirts—weren’t right. They were like pants but not. He didn’t know any other way to explain them. She’d come down to the exercise room intending to do exactly what he’d found her doing. How had Warwick known to come to the room? Where was the fencing instructor?

  “Well,” Hanna began. “You’ve forbidden me from riding. None of the stable hands will prepare a horse for me. What did you expect me to do with my time?” She lifted a brow. “I’m used to being active. I’m the one going mad here.”

  He gritted his teeth. “You’re supposed to be resting or did you forget you almost died a week ago?”

  Warrick glanced at her. “Is this true?”

  “He’s being a tad dramatic. It was a little accident I’m fine.”

  Garrick threw his hands up in the air with frustration. “You were unconscious for days,” he yelled. “That’s not a small thing.”

  She shrugged and began unlacing the padded vest. Once it was loosened she pulled it off and carried it to the supply closet. How much of the castle did Hannah have knowledge of? She clearly had a good idea where the fencing equipment was stored. He didn’t like it one bit. How many more things would he have to forbid her from doing to protect her?

  Hannah came over to him and looked into his eyes. “How many times will it take?”

  “For what?” he asked.

  “To trust me when I tell you I’m all right? You don’t have to atone for your mistakes with me. You’re suffocating me in the name of protection. I don’t need that from you.”

  He had the best of intentions where she was concerned. She didn’t understand. It was more than the fact he’d almost killed her because of his negligence. Hannah was the one person who kept him sane when he thought he’d lose his mind. She was the reason he was still breathing. He would never be able to live in a world she didn’t exist in.

  “I don’t want you fencing,” he said. “It’s dangerous.”

  “There’s a lot of dangerous things in the world, my lord,” she said softly. “Am I to stop breathing because the air might choke me?”

  Now she was being ridiculous. How could that possibly happen? “That’s a wild assumption. Nothing like that is going to happen to you?”

  “How do you know?” She lifted a brow questioningly. “What if there’s a fire and smoke becomes so thick the air is infused with it?”

  Another ludicrous scenario. She wouldn’t convince him of something so silly. The air was pure and nothing was going to change that. She could breathe safely without worry. It’s everything else she had to worry about, including him. Nothing and no one was good enough for her.

  “If you listen to me you won’t be near any fires or smoke,” he replied.

  “That’s the point,” she said softly. “I won’t be around here forever. You have to let me be the person I’m meant to be. When I leave here it won’t matter either way.”

  He froze at her words. She wouldn’t leave him—where would she go? Her solicitor wouldn’t release funds for her to go anywhere else. This was the only place she could be safely without any worries. Hannah needed him and he liked the idea of that.

  “You should listen to her,” Warwick said. “She seems to know her own mind.”

  He was still there? Garrick glanced up and met Warwick’s gaze. There was something there in his eyes that spoke of pain. What had his friend gone through in his absence? Was there more to the story? When he had the chance he’d set his friend down and make him tell him everything. Warwick hadn’t been the sort to keep to himself in the past. It had been a decade since he stepped foot in England. A lot could happen in that amount of time. The world didn’t stand still because you weren’t there to watch it move forward. That was one thing Garrick was certain of. The war had changed him in ways he’d never be able to explain.

  “I can’t do that,” Garrick said. “Not completely.”

  Hannah started open her mouth to protest. Garrick held up his hand to stop her from speaking. “Let me speak.”

  She closed her mouth and stared up at him. He was thankful for that. Hannah could be reasonable if he presented things to her in a way she could agree with. He didn’t want to stifle her and make her feel like she was being held prisoner in his castle. As much as he’d like to lock her in a room and keep the world from harming her he couldn’t do that. The best he could do was give her a safe haven to be herself. It was a mistake to try to control her.

  “I’m not going to object to your fencing on one condition.”

  “And what is that?” she asked.

  “That you only do it with me in the future.” He nodded at Warwick. “He’s a good match for you. I did see some of it, but he’s a bit theatrical and I can’t stomach the idea of you hurting yourself in anyway.”

  Hannah was quiet for a moment and then nodded slowly. “I can live with that compromise. Now about riding...”

  He chuckled lightly. Give her a penny and she’d demand a pound. Oh how he loved her... It pained him to admit that even to himself. Hannah deserved so much out of life and he wasn’t one of those things. “I’ll talk to the stable master and let them know y
ou’re allowed to ride. But I’m going to insist for now that it is a safe quiet mare. No wild stallions or difficult horses for you.”

  “I didn’t expect anything less,” Hannah said then grinned. “Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go to my chambers to change. Maybe even have a bath before dinner.” She turned toward Warwick. “It was a pleasure meeting you my lord. Thank you for the match. I hope one day we might be able to do it again.”

  “If his royal highness steps off his throne long enough to deign me permission we might,” Warwick gestured toward him. “But until then I’ll accept my role as spectator. I look forward to seeing you trounce him the way you did me.”

  “That’s unlikely,” Garrick said. “But I welcome the challenge.”

  “Until later gentleman,” Hannah said and exited the room.

  Warrick turned toward him once she was gone. “You’re in love with her.”

  “Of course not,” he said quickly. “I’m responsible for her well-being. Don’t read anything into that.”

  Was he that transparent? Did Hannah realize how he felt about her? If so it was a disaster in the making. What had he done? He wished he could run as fast and far as possible. All he’d wanted to do was help her and make sure she was protected. The weight of the world was thrust on his shoulders and he hadn’t been prepared for it.

  “Don’t deny it,” Warrick said. “I’ve known you too long not to see it.”

  “There’s nothing to see,” he continued to deny. “Miss Knight is my mother’s goddaughter. She’s fallen on hard times and sought our aide. I couldn’t very well turn her away.”

  “And this accident she’s healing from?” he lifted a brow.

  “My fault,” Garrick said and sighed. “Her carriage tipped over and she was knocked unconscious.”

  Garrick went on to explain how it had all happened. He hated retelling his stupidity and hoped this was the last time he had to explain it to anyone. Hannah was on the mend. She was right in that regard. He just hadn’t been ready to relinquish control because once she was set free she’d go wild. It was ingrained in her like the sprite from the bard’s tale. She was as brilliant as Puck and equally as mischievous. Garrick was afraid of what she might do next. At least they didn’t live in a world of magic like “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. They weren’t likely to end up in a mess similar to it.

  “I can see why you’re so worried for her,” Warwick said. “But she’s determined to forge her own path. If you love her, and I suspect you do you can’t stop her from doing it.”

  “As much as I’d like to I know I can’t,” he said quietly. “She’s going to leave here and I may never see her again.”

  That might kill him, but he’d not stand in her way. Warwick was right. He did love her more than he did anything else in the world. He’d loved her for so long he didn’t remember a time when he didn’t. Since that moment in the library when the first discussed Shakespeare—she’d owned his heart.

  “If you give her a reason to stay she might surprise you.”

  Garrick turned to stare at him. “What are you talking about?”

  He chuckled lightly. “If you don’t know, I can’t tell you. But you’re smart enough and should be able to figure it out in no time.”

  “It would be easier if you explained it to me.” Garrick glared at his friend. “I’m short on time and my patience is running thin.”

  Warwick shook his head. “My friend some things have to be discovered all on their own. But I will say this much. Look deep inside yourself and figure out what you want and then do everything in your power to attain it before it’s too late. Life is too short to deny yourself happiness.”

  With those words he turned and exited the room leaving Garrick with a lot to think over. Hannah was the one thing he wanted, but didn’t dare try claim. What had his friend seen that he hadn’t? Maybe it was time to do some soul searching and figure his life out once and for all.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Hannah couldn’t sleep. She’d tossed and turned until she gave up entirely. She recognized when something was a futile effort. There was no chance she’d be finding any rest. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking about Garrick and his reaction to her fencing. It was scandalous for a woman to participate in such an activity. She was well aware of it, but her father, a former military man had thought it a good skill for his daughter to have. The previous Viscount Redding gave her everything she wanted. Hannah believed it was more that it was easier to give in to her desires than to spend any time with her. The result was that Hannah was often left to her own devices and things like fencing lessons became the norm.

  Perhaps a book would help her sleep. She pushed back the counterpane and slid out of the bed. Her feet hit the carpet and she sighed. It was soft and warm. She lifted her wrap from the hook and slid it on. Darkness permeated the room but her eyes had adjusted fairly well to it. She debated lighting a candle to guide her way and decided against it. There would be one in the library she could light to browse the book shelves. Decision made she left her room and headed downstairs.

  She walked the path by memory and it didn’t take her long to reach the library. A light illuminated the hallway outside of it. Someone was already inside. Who else had trouble sleeping? Hannah peeked around the corner to get a glance. She wanted to make sure it was someone she wanted to see before she entered. The sight of Garrick staring up at the shelf made her sigh in relief. A part of her was thankful that it was him because she’d wanted to speak with him since their encounter earlier. He offered to fence with her and she had to admit she was excited for their first match.

  Slowly she entered the room not making a sound as she made her way to his side. When she reached him she brought her hand up and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped and spun around his arms coming around her on instinct. “Hannah?” he raised a brow. “What are you doing here?

  He lost all propriety and said her given name. Garrick should have addressed her as Miss Knight and hadn’t failed to do so before this moment. Her heart skipped a beat. How often did he think of her as Hannah? Was it as much as she thought of him as Garrick? Did he perhaps have feelings for her that ran similar to her own?

  “Yes it is me,” she said and smiled. “Couldn’t sleep either?”

  “Sleep is hard to find these days,” he replied. “The quiet...” Garrick shook his head. “It’s amazing how you get used to things when you’re in the midst of war. There’s so much noise it gets to the point you can’t distinguish between them.”

  Hannah’s heart broke for him. How many sleepless nights had he had since he returned home? She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him. There was so much uncertainty with war. While he was away she’d constantly worried about him and had written to him often.

  “You’ve never mentioned the war before.”

  He shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t now.” Garrick stared down at her. “It’s not a subject for ladies ears.”

  She hated how men did that. They thought a woman was too sensitive to talk about things that were unsavory. Well she wasn’t a normal lady and she refused to let him push her into that role. “Pretend I’m not a lady and tell me everything.”

  He chuckled. “That’s unlikely to happen ever.”

  “Why not?” Her brow shot upward. “I’m a good listener.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not that...” He sighed and turned away from her pacing the room. Something was bothering him. Why wouldn’t he open up to her? It was driving Hannah mad and she wanted to slap some sense into him.

  “Please,” she said. “Can’t you trust me even a little?”

  Garrick stopped pacing and turned to look at her. “I’ve never trusted anyone more than I have you. I wish I could tell you everything but I don’t want to burden you with my pain.”

  Hannah crossed the room and stopped in front of him. His eyes were filled with pain and she wanted to wrap her arms around him until it eased. She loved him so much. No one moved her th
e way he did. Every single one of her emotions was tied to this man standing before her.

  “I can handle it, I promise.” She brought her hand up to his cheek and cupped it in the palm of her hand. “I’m much stronger than you think I am.”

  “Every time I’m slipping away from myself you’re the one that brings me back to solid ground,” he said quietly. “You alone have held me up through some of my toughest battles.”

  She was so confused. How could that even be possible? Hannah hadn’t seen him in so long. “Then lean on me now. Tell me everything.”

  His eyes went unfocused and he seemed to be looking at something far away. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. His warmth enveloped her filling her with a sense of peace. She hoped that she did so for him as well. After several moments he started to speak.

  “I received all your letters,” he said quietly. “They were calm in a sea of chaos and without them I may not have survived. The first one came after a particularly tough battle and the last one right after I suffered a terrible injury. They were always filled with a bit of gossip but I really loved that you included some little quip about your latest literary adventure.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. Writing him had helped her forget for a little while about her own problems. He’d never written her back so she’d never been sure if he received her missives. It was nice to realize that he had and that they brought him something he desperately needed.

  “Which one was your favorite?”

  “Your take on Romeo and Juliet,” he said. “Most females think that is a romantic tale.”

  “Please,” she said derisively. “There’s nothing romantic in that foolishness. It was two stupid people too caught up in their idea of love. You don’t kill yourself because you lost the supposed love of your life. True love is living for them even though you want to die. There should be strength mixed with that kind of devotion.” She shook her head. “The man I love will want to have a long and happy life even if they can’t have me. Life isn’t always perfect and sometimes you have to find a way to live even when everything inside of you screams to give up. Happiness comes from knowing that there is one person you can always depend on even when everything else is falling apart.”